Passed out for 3 hrs til now to wake up naked on my bed covered with grass from drunk slip and slide I would call that success
i think i scared a bird with my dick
I woke up with dick mouth, a raw vagina, an empty bottle of vodka and the best man next to me. I also found my thong by the pool. Best.Wedding.Ever.
I was just told that i'm a premature cuddler. . . What does that even mean?
Whatever it is you failed
...if you're living vicariously thought me, that was a great blow job you just gave in the B&N parking lot.
Just had a heart to heart with my John Belushi poster.
Why is it that every study session with you turns into a hunt for drugs?
Yuck. My throat feels like someone chucked a couple of Maltov cocktails down it and finished it off with a super soaker filled with Jameson.
I want morning sex. We can incorporate maple syrup into it somehow, it'll be fun
it's the amount of time you spend on preventing me from puking that really cements this friendship
If he doesn't get here soon I'm taking off my thong and eating his dinner.
I think were only still together so we can make each other miserable
She just walked out of her bedroom naked and asked me to help put her diaper on. Yeah, that pretty much sums up the last 24 hours...
I can't believe just smoked out of a pear
I can't believe you had a pear already made to smoke out of, that was impressive
Found my paycheck. It was in the freezer
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