When I woke up his cat was sleeping on my face and i had scratch marks on my neck. not happy.
only room for one pussy in that bed.
You threw up. And every time you flushed you would wave and go "Bye Bye!" and then when the new water came you would greet it with "Helloooo!"
I should have known there'd be issues when he included "beautiful soul" in our playlist
No one showed up yet so I smoked 4:20 on chatroulette with a naked chick..
On the bright side, I hit her with the door on the way in
i just masturbated in footie pajamas. there's no judgement here.
Its funny how you denied every part of the text except " you hate fat ppl"
Just now remembered singing Trashy Women at the reception. Not karaoke, just sang along with the mic I stole from the DJ. All while still in my dress drinking champagne from the bottle
Yes, I am about to pass out on my beanbag with a mason jar of wine. Welcome to the south freshmen.
let's be real here, you have a beautiful vagina. this kid is a doctors son. that's a remedy for beautiful rich grandkids. he is just trying water his family tree, and make sure he doesn't end up in some piece of shit adult home. go for it.
we're all going for beer and wings at 7. inflate your girlfriend and bring her along too.
I'm wearing fairy wings and I broke my wizard staff. If this isn't the most happy but sad moment of my life , I don't know what is.
In case you're wondering what frozen hashbrowns taste like at 4 in the afternoon, shame. They taste like shame.
All right well I’m making her sugar cookies and sleeping with her husband tonight. Just another manic Monday
this poor kid thinks hes going to have his first time with both of us
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