when you close your eyes do you see, that mystical creature will be me.
who is this?
she looked like she should be chained to micheal vicks radiator
Public safety found my id!
And i can't find my bra so i'm assuming they found my bra with my id which would explain the disapproving tone the lady on the phone had.
you are my new fav person for making him do the walk of shame in pink footie pajamas!
idk if you're aware of this...but we could potentially have the greatest hate sex...ever.
And the horses in Central Park have blankets. And Rafiki just told me "it is time" in the back of our cab.
and that my friend is why you dont go in for an eye exam and drop 250 dollars on a pair of glasses after smoking a blunt
That's some primal shit right there. My vagina is all like CONSUME HIM AND HIS FRUIT HE WILL GIVE YOU SONS!
You cannot meet up with him at the tailgate, his parents are there. What are you going to say "Hi I'm the one who fucks your son, can I get a cheeseburger?"
My mom is currently drinking alone in our kitchen singing the Dixie Chicks to herself so, hey, alcohol is forever and we should not be shamed for its use.
Rob and I are cross faded and the only one taking care of us is a drunk person who's making us dance.
apparently I kept repeating I have a to do list this summer and he's on it
Today's hangover is brought to us by Sailor Jerry's and your dedication to my alcoholism.
I don't see why I have to pay for it.
your head went through the window, you're pretty much obligated to pay for it.
I’ve basically been controlling him with my tits for months now, so I can’t even imagine what would happen if I start banging him
Randomize
