is it bad that i shorted Freddie Mac immediatly after I heard about the CFO?
I see an opportunity for you to use your nakedness to cure my boredom.
i think i just witnessed the elusive male walk of shame
Its like the long john silvers of colleges, I wouldnt even go there to use the bathroom
I made $300 today by selling pizza @ $4 a slice to nerds who refuse to leave the library. God I love finals time
She fucked me because she said I looked like Neil Patrick Harris
she definitely blew him on the riverbank, some lady floated past and said "have some pride honey", amazingly awkward
You were peeing on yourself thinking it was the sprinkler in your yard
I used the picture of my mom and I doing blow job shots in Vegas in the presentation for my Spanish final. Graduation here I come.
who was wearing the fake mustache? I just found one in my cleavage
I'm offering you baseball tickets and my vagina, isn't that enough?
I wrote a list of things I enjoy doing. So far it says "get high and go to museums."
And then you poured the rest of the vodka into salsa and added the alcohol soaked pineapples and grapes and said "don't touch my salsa breakfast".
What happened last night? I just woke up and there's like 15 mcflurry cups on the floor
You don't remember stealing them?
The people above me are fucking to Miley Cyrus
Randomize
