I think tequila should come with a little jiminy cricket
you just stared at your feet and said some shit about the molecules dancing and how you had just solved physics.
I don't remember anything but yelling at the ref in Spanish.
i left the icescrapper in his bathroom. i dont remember taking it there, but i remember brushing his hair with it.
yeah, she started doing yoga and cocaine....looks good on her.
It's taking 3 penises to fill the hole he left in my heart.
How external is "for external use only"?
I remember you licked my face and said that's all you're getting
Turns out he's old enough to be my dad. I'm so excited. I've never had a sugar daddy before. What should I ask for first!? Want anything?
I forgot to pack a bra for work today...you would not believe the extremes i've had to go through in order to keep these nips from my coworkers
Oh my fucking god that cat looks just like you after you accidentally took Ketamine
I had to carry him up the hill while he was wearing nothing but knee high socks and a blue glitter sequin leotard.
Why is this not a picture message?
Wait what do you mean I BOUGHT A FUCKING HORSE LAST NIGHT?!?!
Did you throw up out the back door and cover it with paper towels?
I just thought I should tell you that I always know what you are doing. Everywhere. Every time. -Your loving Mother
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