Yeah unless I can find some idiot to make love to
My vag should have a twitter account. It would be like "destroyed another condom today".
You can't like Harry Potter and Twilight. You have to pick. Vampires and Wizards are mutually exclusive.
due to concerns over safety, the theme of the 'naked fondue party' has now been changed to the 'naked fondue party with optional apron' please b.y.o.apron. extra prizes for most creative apron.
Day 5 without masturbation. Fat chicks are back on the table
Pretty sure that I got the MVP of wedding reception... woke up on the bench in the hallway of a hotel and we did NOT start the night there.
Consider it an appointment to improve my blow job capabilities.
That's not a funny feeling. That's hepatitis. You got it from that bar where everything was sticky.
He started making out with my boobs. I didn't know whether to be proud of my boobs or ashamed of my mouth.
I just overheard an "I'm going to get your dick so hard" conversation at Costco.
Send me a picture of our booze closet. I'm homesick.
But Keith is doing MDMA for New Years and he's 39.
Keith has a beautiful 20 year old girlfriend, a good job and a cute puppy. We can't all be Keith.
But I want to be Keith.
I'm eating cookie dough with a tongue depressor for lunch.
I come into the house and he's fucking doing karaoke by himself... Lady gaga
and by running errands I mean eating an entire bag of milanos by myself in the Walmart parking lot
Randomize
