I think my hot accountant is wearing banana republic. I miss the days when that ='ed gay. Signals are so confusing now.
I just spent the last 30 minutes shaving my asshole.
He kissed my cheek and I could smell it the whole way home like shit
I just ran up four flights of stairs in heels, im getting an orgasm tonite.
JUST MADE A FLAMING SLED. MIGHT HAVE 3RD DEGREE BURNS.
He told me he wanted to show me something beautiful, then just started peeing off the bridge into oncoming traffic
as soon as I stop standing here with one leg up on my bathroom counter admiring my balls, I'm going to go tan. and then you may come over.
But for future reference, it might help your game if you don't tell the girl you're trying to get on your dick that she's "not the worst thing you've ever seen"
You were stoned out of your mind. We were eating cold cuts and you wouldn't shut up about how it was the wettest meat you'd ever felt in your life.
The acoustics in my bra are fantastic.
She told me she's into girls now. I told her there would be a full bottle of jäger and an empty bed here Friday.
all I'm saying is if you're gonna fuck a fat chick do it in a pool it's like zero gravity or something
how did you graduate high school
You did things that should be illegal to a Twinkie and asked strangers to drive you home.
He said he doesn't "believe" in cuddling. Can you come get me?
He may be a manwhore, but he’s a very well endowed manwhore
That’s an important feature when it comes to a manwhore
Randomize