If i could tip my vagina, i would.
Apparently I ran up to the group of cookie-cutter blonde chicks and screamed "Delta Gamma Nuuuuuuu!" really excitedly and tried to hug them and share fake sorority stories with them.
So, right as I'm cumming, I pull out and go "PYEW PYEW" like Star Wars lasers. Best part is, I missed her completely.
I mean, keeping the tube socks on AND taking cell phone pictures that he didn't ask for during sex? that's two strikes kiddo.
the protein jug says add 2 scoops to your favorite beverage. guess who just found a way to make sam adams healthy? THIS GUY
Well the weddings in 4 days so I already got the eightball lined up and the wii fit all warmed up. Still wanna bet I wont lose 20 pounds by the wedding?
My gynecologist inadvertently complimented your penis.
Oh nbd. She just had sex with a divorcee. On a charter bus. At 10 a.m. On a Thursday.
I opened up my wallet and it was filled with puke.
Finishing last nights 1.5L of wine and beef jerky for breakfast. Work looms, ever the prickly bitch.
he looks SO much like Drake, I feel like an extreme groupie every time we have sex.
Serious concern: will TSA confiscate my bondage rope?
If you think that liquor is the way to shower sex then you're right.
You literally brought me back to life and then fucked it out of me
Can I bother you for a second.
You always bother me but go on.
Randomize
