my little sister told my dad she found willy wonka's golden ticket in the backseat of my car. now my dad knows my boyfriend uses magnums.
i woke up in the lobby of Holiday Inn on a chair sitting up straight
Bullshit. No way. If I brushed past your penis it was completely coincidental.
I was just laughing and almost crying after I orgasmed, and then almost crying because I was laughing so hard. That's new.
Does he think you're psycho?
Officially...... yes.
I think its awesome that i just got you to cheer for sex
Well sex is awesome. Sex deserves cheers.
Is "head down ass up" an appropriate way to say good morning?
And that kids is the last time I ever try to outdrink Germans
I think I just pulled an onion peel off my boob from sleeping on their kitchen floor
Jesus Christ, it's not like going swimming. You don't have to wait 20 minutes after you eat to suck a dick
Its a good night when you get to makeout with a cowboy
They kept freaking out that you were missing and potentially having sex.. like it was a bad thing. Got fed up with hearing it so i just yelled "ITS HER BIRTHDAY AND SHE CAN FUCK IF SHE WANTS TO!" They gave me unnecessary looks. I thought it was acceptable.
it looks like a nuclear can of fuck blew up in here
We're in an alley with a psychic wizard, shes reading our palms
We've been here for 9 days, so of course I am high at my in-laws' house.
We are so disgustingly codependent and I wouldn't have it any other way
Randomize
