So many tools at one table, you'd enjoy my italian family
We left the window open. My vibrators funeral is at 2ish.....bring a side dish or some shit.
Trust me. My penis has made more than enough decisions this weekend.
If a video of someone that looks like me banging that chick on the hood of her car in some parking lot suddenly shows up on the web... let me know, I gotta see how that turned out.
Kid sitting next to me smells like he slept in a dutch oven full of farts. Going to die.
Haha, apparently they frown upon male strippers there. Bouncers couldn't catch me tho.
I think ill wear my dads dashiki but make it sluttier. We shall see
We told her to calm down. She said "I'm Buddha!". Then army crawled to the cooler for more vodka.
WHY DID I INFORM THE ENTIRE BATHROOM I DONT HAVE AN STD?!?!?!!
posting about faith hill is really not helping you get me into your bed
The shit I just took was four, very distinct colors. Jager night was a success
Literally got mad at him this morning because we didn't have time to have sex for a third time. I think I'm getting greedy.
I've been there a week.. I'd rather all my coworkers not know that I'm already sleeping with my boss.
He somehow obtained a megaphone and managed to scare away the out-of-control house party—the house party that HE started, by the way— by pretending to be the police.
THERE IS JIZZ ON MY CEILING. HOW THE FUCK IS THERE JIZZ ON MY CEILING
Randomize
