But do you think a lot of ppl use facebook as a masturbation supplement to porn?
Let me make clear that I am not a facebook masturbator
I was just curling my hair topless and I just burned my nipple. Ouch.
Hello rock bottom. My name is Jared. Nice to meet you.
which gay bar do you need a ride home from?
he doesn't drink and he's an emt - he'll be our dd for nye in exchange for a threesome tomorrow afternoon.
there are people swimming in the fountain next to the library... hello senior week
Dude. I kneed him in the face and gave him a black eye. It's like a constant reminder of our hookup. I feel like herpes. I never go away...
If she were to ever cheat on her husband, I'm positive I'm the the go to guy. Which flatters me and weirds me out at the same time.
Why were you eating a hot dog in the bathroom at 230 am?
My roommate was sleeping, I thought it would be rude
It is super hard to find a good vegan dominatrix! THAT'S why I'm single
GOOD NEWS I CAN BRING THE VODKA IN MY LUGGAGE
Is it too much to ask for 10 minutes of privacy while I masturbate?
I've been in town for almost 36 hrs and I haven't made out with a stranger yet - I consider THAT a record!
I asked what it takes to be a good delivery driver, my new boss said "always keep these in your vehicle" as he handed me a flashlight and a blunt. I'm going to like this job.
You have thirteen minutes to get here if you want to get back together. Otherwise I'm getting digits from the waitress.
So I tried to catch a rabbit in Terraria & accidentally blew it up with a grenade made of bees. Monty Python would be proud.
Randomize
