Sometimes I feel like I shouldn't drink when I come out of a black out half naked covered in puke. Then I realize thats why I drink.
I found the orange juice, it was hiding in the vodka...trickster.
Dude, this chick just tossed my salad hard. All that I could picture was a dog trying to get the last of the peanut butter out of the jar of Jiff and trying not to think of how grotesque my last dump was.
Then she tried to kiss me and I wouldn't and she got pissed off and went to sleep. Then about an hour later, her kid called her. She went home and on the way out I told her to wash her mouth before she kissed her kid good night. Weird night..
I think I left a blow job at your house. Can I come down and get it?
I gave it to your brother to give to you.
There is NOTHING better than watching a child being chased by an ostrich.
CANT TOUCH THIS JUST CAME ON MY IPOD. LOVE STEVE JOBS
Dude I need help. What word is complimentary, but sounds like "chunky"?
The cop was more concerned with the fact I had cowboy boots on with shorts than the fact we were under age
Oh my God. He stopped counting at 22.. His senior year. I feel the STDs infecting my taint as we speak.
I drank entirely too much. My skin hurts to wear
You've been drinking wine and eating bacon all afternoon. HOW IS THAT DOING GOOD?!?!
I'm not sure drinking my way through west nile virus is the best idea. Oh well, already committed to that plan.
There is a chick at the bar in a bumble bee onesie, complete with wings. Yeah, I must be back in Seattle.
It would be weird sobbing cry sex.
Finally fucked my buddy's mom!! We are both ten years older and for her it really shows but i hit it!!
Randomize
