my coke dealer is running a Black Friday special
there is a large number of people floating in the fountains the morning in inter-tubes...its only 930. did i miss something?
There's half of a squirrel in the bathtub - i figured you'd be the one to go to.
Had to make a piece of abstract art. Your dick is in it
And there I was, sitting Indian style on the kitchen floor, my fingers covered in peanut butter.
Yes, yes she is. This will teach her not to pull her vibrator out and harass people with it at parties.
why is it ever time u get laid i end up having to clean something twice? you have no idea how hard it is to wash smugged ass cheeks off the counter
there not mine if that helps
I tried to get you a girl. They want us to cook breakfast though
Lolll I'll be sleeping
I'm practically buying you a 1 way ticket to pound town.
That dog was the best thing i ever touched
She judged ME for picking my nose when SHE has the clap.
We tried to play tennis but after about 15 minutes we gave up and fucked against the fence. Woulda been a cute third date so of course I had to ruin it.
I know. In fairness he did tell me to throw up out his window onto his roof so I don't think he's pissed at me but I'm still mortified by the whole situation.
I'm so high. I'm going to need directions to get home.
At a bar in the city and the whole place starting singing “Happy Birthday” to someone. Everyone but me. The person next to me leaned over and said, “Why didn’t you sing along?!?” I responded, “I don’t know him. I don’t give a shit if he has a happy birthday.”
It was all like "my feathers evolved from scales of a reptile bitches!!" and I was all like "damn this chocolate milk is AWW SOOME!"
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