She wanted to fuck you. You threw up on her. Congrats.
Does it make me a prostitute if I accepted a Life House concert ticket for giving this guy head?
No. It just means your good at giving head.
Please just tell me how ugly she was so I can bask in the diminishingly small reassurance that might give me
Can we dedicate this weekends marathon sexcapades to all the haters?
I'm one ex away from doing an entire victory lap of all of the guys I've hooked up with since second semester of freshman year. Single me is scary.
You didn't hold all these dicks to become a party planner!
Everyone is now just referring to it as "the night Hannah couldn't get laid" so needless to say you didn't miss much
Partying with them is like having your dick stapled to your left nostril
Promise me you will not let me do anything sexual with or to a mini horse no matter how drunk we get. Ever.
the most terrified I've ever been was seeing Danny Devito squirming on the ground in this underwear, covered in hand sanitizer, completely hairless
i'm now remembering the last part of my nigght....ugh. apperently i bargained with the wendys drive up girl after they closed and got "w/e they had left" for $7
Such a big mess for such a small penis
he just asked me that if he was a penguin and I was a penguin if I would fuck him
Why is this not the first time I’ve seen the mugshot of someone I’ve slept with
she prefaced telling me she was pregnant with "houston, we have a problem"
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