I just want you to know IcyHot in the ear is weird. Don't ask.
You made eat vitamins until I threw up
We're doing kegstands for my 80th Bday, so don't lose that muscle tone.
Also, my drunkenly packed sleepover kit consisted of a singular sock, my uncharged laptop, and a pack of post-it notes.
I made her orgasm until she cried. Four years of only having sex with dudes and I've still got it.
I also found a beer label in my bra and I'm pretty sure you put it there and said "this means I trust you"
I don't think I will ever be as happy about anything as this man next to me on the bus eating Taco Bell.
Lost feeling in my face, my shoe and had a nose bleed. That's not wings. Fuck red bull.
I got really upset about missing him last night when I was demonstrating penis sizes of the people I've slept with using a tape measurer to my roommates
Just don't let me get too drunk. At one point I pulled out my dick and pissed at that party. Like on the wall.
Like these jerks could have told me it wasn't a video call, I wouldn't have put on pants.
of fours songebofy did dknt stop believing
how legible are my texts
It finally happened my mom knowingly gave me money to buy drugs i knew this day would come\n
You tried to pick a fight with a polka band saying that you'd wrap the accordion around their throats
Ever get that feeling that you're the back up booty call and half way through securing the fake date excuse to try to get in your pants, the guy hears back from the original booty call and drops the conversation with no explanation?
Randomize
