i learned a valuable lesson last night. sometimes nice girls finish first. twice.
You were dancing on the bar and fell off into the arms of the hot bartender. It was like a fairy tale, with more alcohol.
i've been thru my totinos phase. then after reading the ingredients and nutritional info i almost puked in my mouth. its like having the bastard child of pizza hut and mcdonalds invade your kitchen and start stabbing your digestive system.
Correct me if I'm wrong here... but did we serenade each others breasts to "winds of change" last night?
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We found her on the trampoline. She told us she was jumping so she could puke & rally. I think I want to marry her.
Remember that time we became friends because I shotgunned a Tall Boy in your bathroom?
Those memories are both hazy and awesome.
Close your eyes and stop texting and think about puppies. You'll be fine.
I was a battlefield of empty bottles and bodies. We though we won, but the booze had the last laugh.
Question: would Brian be pissed if I brought his 17 year old sister as my date to the wedding?
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The straight guy here is hot. He described himself as Christian grey without the money and my vagina fell out of my body
Maybe there is a secret pocket full of cocaine in that spiderman wallet.
Today's been pretty great, I went and bought the new Batman for the sole purpose of masturbating to Bane
He was so drunk we almost didn't even make it to his place because he didn't know where he lived
These snow days are takeing a toll on my liver
we went to go have morning sex and I said “I was gonna put my mouth on it but you need to shower”#ruinedthemoment
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