cynthia nixon should never get laid more than me
so i was just informed that i sang that song "pop that pussy ayyy pop that pussy" at the halloween party saturday. iembarrassing.
finally cleaned my dorm for the first time all year. bleach is awesome.
You don't understand. He was so ginger that he could make red hair a dominant gene. And I refuse to torture my future spawn like that.
You know how there are wrinkles in your brain? What if they were filled with potato chips? That's kind of how my head feels now.
Living in the dorms has served one purpose and one purpose only for me: to teach me that pooping in public bathrooms is okay and that I can do it
You stole a fry from a complete stranger. He wasn't happy. Then you said fuck it and stole the whole poutine and ran down the street while he stared in shock.
Did I really make him pull over to give the homeless guy my bra?
How do I tell your little brother I lost my virginity wearing nothing but his socks?
Formal letter or email.
I just compared his sexting to a plate of spaghetti. And he STILL wants to sleep with me.
i don't think fitbit tracks "flipping the fuck out" as activity.
She rode my dick so hard I momentarily lost hearing. I guarantee I had the better St Patrick's.
Oh good, bag of butt plugs is in my predictive text now
Typing the whole thing out was getting to be such a chore
Yeah you're weird. You once told me you would by me a house in the middle of sex. Like as you were thrusting.
My friends said as soon as you walked in, I motor boated you like there was no tomorrow.
Yeah, I liked it.
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