people would bow to what i just did to her vagina
i think i just puked on my phone
we live great lives
make any headway on the foot/dick situation?
I made out with a deaf person. Also I've been drunk 11 days in a row now.
One of the mothers are the party said to me "All your friends are getting married, you're just getting drunk"
we just did breakfast shots, I have a black eye and savage garden is on . Best weekend ever
You kept saying "sir officer" which would have been polite and helped you if it wasn't a female. She was pissed.
Im pretty sure it started going awry when I asked their mom "How much would it cost me to sleep with your daughters"
since i'm not going, you must continue my tradition of flashing every person there.
I JUST SAW A SIGN LANGUAGE CATFIGHT
It's taking 3 penises to fill the hole he left in my heart.
He's slurring his text. I didn't think that was possible.
If by science you mean beer then YES!!!!
Im getting out of handcuffs then i'll give you a call
Sorry dude, one minute I was flirting with a bachelorette party from Dallas and the next I’m being tied to the bed by the bride
Trying to wrangle us an invite to the wedding
Randomize
