Girls should come with a carfax report
You should've come out last night, I need someone to explain why the bartender tried to strangle me...
composition of my stomach right now: 60% C8H10N4O2 * H2O (coffee), 20% CaCO3 (pepto bismol/tums), 10% HCl (stomach acid), 5% fried rice, 5% residual adderall. i can do that by percent mass too. fuck you finals.
In reality u ask do u have beer at your house but what your really saying is will there be cock in my mouth
And apparently midway I said "hurry up and finish so we can talk about what a bad idea this was"
he stopped during sex, told me i smelled like McDonald's and went harder..
Last night was the first and hopefully last night I will ever sleep in a hotel bath tub. Sober mind you.
I'm not even gonna ask.
No you usually just ranted about the voicemail bitch until she cut you off again
Why yes. I did get laid looking like that. My sheets look like there was a clown orgy
Her next conquest seems to be stealing her ex-boyfriend's new girlfriend. Pretty sure everyone involved is totally OK with this.
I just look at my butt and see so much potential.
Honestly I am too high to watch videos of you jerking off right now
Fuck you. You were a total asshole last night.
We will get to that, but can anybody tell me whose fucking socks I am wearing?!
My dad is sitting where you rode me
you blew the guy with all the harry potter paraphanelia didn't you
Randomize
