I may also break bread with strippers. Because it is passover.
I've reached the slutty point of no return. And it feels like multiple orgasms and coke lines
i'm only riding in the trunk because they put the case of beer back here..
I sent him a naked picture of me with the caption "I lost at beer pong, this was a dare. Hope your nights going as good as mine" I've never talked to him in my life, this is a strange way to start.
don't worry i won't let him get attached. I put on my Hulk onesie after sex and yelled I SMASHED YOU. never seen a guy looked so confused.
how many ponies have to be on my pajama pants to convince him im gay?
i think we need a new approach.
In other news it turns out I like Heineken.. In a desert island kind of way
I always thought The Big Bang Theory wasa terrible show but that was before it came with blowjobs and pizza.
If you think you're having a bad day, know that upon waking up, I was informed that I blew my nose in a piece of bread last night
The beer bottle was sticking out of your zipper and you shook it onto unsuspecting patrons
Drunk assassins creed leads to explaining to my father that "it was only a steak knife in the arm"
Hold on I'll be right there, I can't find my arm.
It's almost 5am and all I can keep thinking is IT'S WHISKEY TIME!!
it’s my vagina i can do what i want to
I don't know, all I remember is waking up at 4 in the morning to him going down on me.
Randomize
