Hey sis... Don't forget moms day is this sun. And don't get her another gift while you are freakin high this time. The vibrator was embarrassing.
FYI the vibrator was a SUCCESS. She was in a much better mood this last year. Maybe you should get high this time and get a great gift
i got iced as i was inside of her. i fucking hate my friends
you just kept bragging about how there was a "pretty large" chance that you had pooped on the same toilet as George Clooney
he made a bald eagle out of coke lines
Yeah well my vagina has expectations too but they don't get met all the time.
She's trying to figure out what kind of dinosaur I am... Yay codeine.
I offered you a bag but you said "I gotta break in the new carpet" and you puked all over the floor
I'm not afraid to fist fight your child if I feel he is standing in between me and some tacos.
It's like a bag of dicks covered in taint sweat pounding a pregnant baby walrus.
Lots of alcohol last night skiing this morning = me throwing up off chairlift
There is no sno cone on earth better than alone naked time. Side note: text when you all are headed home.
Do you ever get high and look at your cat and feel like you know them on an intellectual level?
I almost forgot to feel shameful, if that answers your question.
I wish I could open myself up and check on my liver. Make sure it's hanging on. Ya know?
Dude in the stall next to me shitting and sobbing. Dude another stall over, "Come on bro, you gotta loosen up." This is why I don't shit in public.
Randomize
