yeah she is the one who tells people i beat girls.. which ironically make me want to punch her in the face
I can only masturbate in one position. It's very inconvenient.
just jacked off in the bed i was conceived in.
Literally just as i started to cum the church bells next ot my house began to ring. either it was the most epic timing ever or god was watching and congratulating me
I finally got her to squirt but it wasnt a stream, it came out in the form of mist. I felt like I was in rainforest cafe.
You are two creepy Justin Bieber quotes away from me not talking to you for the rest of the day
If I had a pelvic thrust emoticon, I would use it
And he probably thinks I'm in love with him but after three shots of Patron you love anything
When Vanessa's kindergarten teacher called me in because she was caught with her hand down some boys pants in the bathroom, I knew you babysat last week.
I'm currently eating a turkey dinner, listening to xplosive by dr. Dre, and drinking rum. Hispanic christmas dinners are the best.
I'm drinking and working out! I'm bench pressing the beer pong table and doing push ups and lifting the chair.
Should I have spent my entire pay check on Crown Royal and LSD? No. Do I regret it? Also, no.
I just had a twenty minute discussion about endangered breed dog breeding with an Extremely drunk guy
So many questions...
If it exists, I've probably pregamed it.
Everything isn’t always sunshine & rainbows. Sometimes there’s tequila.
I'm at work behind the bar and just washed my mouth out with rumple bc I don't have a toothbrush. This may be a new low.
Randomize
