I bet there is no greater pleasure in life than pistol whipping people.
Anal.
just had a dream there were parent teacher conferences in college...scariest dream ever.
Reading in my econ of energy textbook about the US' largest oil spill from the 1990's.. guess i can't sell this one back either
dad just smoked me out. he's yelling at room service for not giving him cookies and milk with his towels...we're both too high to know if thats a legit complaint.
Yea my vagina was pretty pissed at me for not taking advantage of the situation...
You swear the intervention is for her? I've fallen for that one twice.
Ed's in which sucks about a thousand cocks... But thats 1800 less than working with Alex so it's gonna be a good day
An outback commercial just played and I remembered that guy from Australia Imade out with at the Derby. Great Bachelorette Party, btw.
You're either a hooker or Beyonce. Beyonce is abnormally good at doing everything in heels
Just had an hour long talk with a woman, turns out she's the mom of the guy i lost my virginity to. Even better his dog was also present.. Meeting the family at its best?
You made me drive your car so you could give the dude from the parking lot a BJ in the back seat. Classy.
To be honest, waking up to 20 naked people in my house was not the weirdest thing to happen to me in the past 24 hours
Yes, you can go into Petsmart drunk but the cats awaiting adoption don't appreciate the soft pretzels squeezed through their cages.
They need to eat meat, go down on me the first time, every time, and know how to pull my hair. And there's a height requirement for this ride
Dashing through the vodka, in a tinder swiping rage, all the fuck boys get a no, laughing all the way.
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