i just ate two sandwiches and am debating booty calling my landlord
as i creep her facebook pics from back in the day till now, i noticed that her lazy eye has gotten better
While I was fucking her, they came in and served us both weed from a hookah. best. friends. ever.
Life's too short to consider the larger psychological underpinnings of my lust.
Hookup with hot guy from gym, check. Wake up to find he's peed in my closet, double check.
Just watched a guy fight a garbage can then pee on it, screaming "I told you to listen to me the first time!!" San Francisco, I've missed you.
I wanted to take a shower but I forgot we made applesauce in it last night.
Dude he's your dog he doesn't love me more than you. I'm just like that cool uncle that takes him to burger king and to see girls.
And I think short bridesmaids dresses are the best idea especially for bathroom sex
Im eating these cheese filled pretzels. So good. Theres jizz dripping out places i didnt even know i had.
He would have to make magical things happen in my nether regions to actually make me vote republican.
It's times where you wake up in the hospital after trying to road surf that you wonder what you're doing in life.
Virginity is like the pottery barn-you break it, you bought it.
Thanks....I've always wanted my vagina compared to an overpriced coffee table
His life is a porno. He snapped me while banging a girl in the back of the ambulance.
From the bottom of my heart, thanks for never sending me unsolicited dick picks.
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