my roommates friend slept in my bed when i was out of town..she ran out screaming cause she saw my VCR
After work we went home to fool around. Turns out he had sawdust under his foreskin. I'm never going down on him again.
hahaha! you have a girlfriend
tell that to the new girl at work who i screwed on the washing machine today...
I found his backpack for the weekend. All it had was ping pong balls, mardi gras beads, and Tums.
thanks for the bloody nose. you probably dont remember, i'm not mad.. only because your boobs are to blame
You're just mad that I don't wanna have dugout sex with you
I keep confusing the name of her and her dog. Both are appropriate.
You're not supposed to support this behaviour, btw the judge recognized me
I watched you fall asleep, sitting up, eating a cinnamon roll. You proceeded to wake up...smile at your cinnamon roll, ask it how it got into your hand and then began eating it again. You asked me if you were ridiculous last night, define ridiculous.
Yoga may not b such a good idea for me today. My liver is obviously in cahoots with my colon to pay me back for the past 24 days of misuse . Downward dog could have catastrophic consequences.
Sorry I pissed in your closet and lied to your parents that it was probably a flood. He got up to go to the bathroom, expecting sex when he got back, I panicked
No biggie, just trying to keep my liver function in the green
Honestly who turns down a free blowjob?
Whelp, I woke up on the front lawn this morning. I have got to stop wearing these underwear. Every time I do, I end up puking in someone's greenery.
He's such a jerk. If only his penis was attached to someone else
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