The good thing about walking home in a dress on sunday morning is that people mistake my walk of shame as a walk to God.
just woke up and my boobs have "fun police" written on them
Anyone ask you how much a bj cost yet? That shirt is so whorish
just gave a yankee's fan wrong directions to Fenway....welcome to boston asshole
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
you just used a box of cheese-its to get into the bar
Who was that guy I met at your brother's house who had to get stitches in his ass?
I need someone to meet me at the end of the road and throw captain morgan at my face like they do with water at marathons
He was crying because he hiccuped every time he kissed me. We then crawled to the kitchen because neither of us could stand, and I spoon-fed him peanut butter "to cure his ailment."
Looks like breakfast in bed is out the window. She can't get up because I "fucked her into paralysis." My stomach is not happy with my dick right now
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I don't think I can get drunk, high or horny enough to even consider that
I just saw a guy walking up the stairs with his dick out his pants. I let him know, and he just looked down in shock, laughed, and continued walking up the stairs.
Remember the random guy who licked my face when we were at the bar the other night?
Yeah. His name is Andrew. We just met
Remember that time we were together? Yeah, I don't miss that.
I don't know what it is about this quarantine, but I have never written this much smutty fanfic in my life and I am loving it!
They were playing some sort of fast food scavenger hunt game as an ice breaker. Some chick stamped a Starbucks logo on my hand and told me to go find the girl with the matching stamp and fill her with cream.
Dave had an Arby’s stamp and some sorority girl grabbed him and screamed “I’ve have the meat!”\n
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