Spider just rapelled from her vag rethinking online dating.
I don't have the money to get a cast so we made one from stuff at the craft store.
I JUST WOKE UP ON A TRAIN
I SHUDNT B ON A TRAIN
She's allergic to latex.
Lucky bastard.
He doesn't make grammatical errors. Even while getting head.
Dont forget the glove box taco bell stash i saved for drunk us.
Just found the cutest bag of coke under my bed. I'm going to get fucked up and bleach the cat vomit out of my sheets.
My adult sexuality and some of the best memories of my childhood collided like a Pee Wee Herman wet dream.
Elaborate
Strip Mario-Kart
Makers Mark. Chicken nuggets in a blender. Smart
I ripped my favorite jeans crossing that fence
That sucks
It's an upgrade! I didn;t even have to unzip my pants to pee!
She said you told her you were ready to be a dad. We just got back from our purchase of the morning after pill. That took me 2 hours of convincing. No more fucking my sister.
1. Thanks. 2. No.
Please don't make me ever have to hear the words "the Queen's gynecologist" ever again.
He wanted me to choke him with my feet. So now I feel obligated to start writing my memoir
That portion can talk about stepping out of your comfort zone and how it can potentially kill people
Please don't buy a buttplug. It won't fill the empty space in your heart.
I guess I’m only into threesomes at Halloween, because I just woke up next to “Marilyn Monroe” and “Joe DiMaggio” in their condo
Randomize
