Did we have sex?
No you put the condom on then passed out on the bed so I left
I'm not really sure how I got home, but judging by this headache, i'm assuming it involved bourbon.
We smoked a joint and talked about his parent's divorce. It was like being fifteen all over again.
If you're missing hair this morning, i'm sorry in advance
this boner is fucking legendary. i should name it and celebrate its birthday every year
if u cant get laid at this wedding we need to have a looooooong talk about the possibility of u becoming a lesbian
It was good I woke up with my mattress on top of me. I walked around naked the whole night as people wished my Happy Birthday.
Postcard from jail please. Reserving a spot on my fridge.
I have officially made out with every girl you've made out with, even the random you met on the Mexico flight
Apparently as she was dragging me out of the club, I was clinching onto this european guy screaming at Jenna: that's the 12th time you've cockblocked me tonight
I think he just made me trade sex for my cat.
i cannot be the only guy who has bought the every day with rachael ray magazine for use as porn
Hey where the fuck is the rest of my beer? Lets start this day off right
It is not if she takes a guy home Karaoke night. It is how many.
I'm sitting here with a band aid on my labia, this is a first
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