I called her the wrong name twice and she still called me back this morning. DO I still wait two days to call her back?
Now would be a great time to stop wondering " Who let the dogs out" and go to sleep
Any time before 12:00pm. Can go fuck itself.
tell me how a rose bowl party involves waking up to find a raccoon in my kitchen cabinet eating my oreos the next morning?
FYI : beer farts in the morning chase women right out of bed!
I'm not sure which is worse. The fact that I slept with him last night, or the fact that you did too.
Wanna go watch Transformers and scream "AMERICA!"? I need a no thought activity
We're following a guy carrying a door for beer pong at his place..join us when you are deemed sober enough to leave the hospital.
I feel I must have sex with him first to fully decide where my vagina belongs.
I'll take care of you. Just let me pee on this old white person's car first.
In retrospect i can confidently say that the last two months of our relationship... i was only in it because i didnt wanna lose my list on his netflix account.
I don’t know what he is but he sure can suck a lollipop.
i look like i'm walk-of-shaming but i'm really showered and re-clothed and rallying. i fool everyone
Last night I drank three beers and threw up in a tree house. I am ashamed.
Real life skills section of my resume: blow jobs, food knowledge trivia, sarcasm, mascaera application, sexting, tolerance of rail liquors
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