i seriously hope you fucking die....you are the worst.
SHit! Sorry, sent to wrong person
I woke up naked by my window. blinds open. smiley face drawn on my window.
are you drunk enough to hook up with me yet?
plan parent hood is for high school, im at the abortion clinic, so college.
Have you seen my high heels that I wore out?
You mean the one that you threw at the parked cop car or the one in the microwave?
Birthday was great, I got entirely too drunk and made really poor life decisions. It was everything a birthday should be.
My last memory involves me naked in a mens's bathroom stall. I really hope my date was with me.
My Pizza Lunchables won't fit in the fridge because of all your alcohol. One of our addictions has to give.
I know you claim to have a large penis but I do not believe in what i cannot see. Sort of like god.
wanna tell me why theres a glass of water stuffed with tamptons in the freezer?
I have one of those hangovers where you visualize how awesome it would be to climb in your fridge and drink glacier water
All I really remember is shouting "THANKS FOR LETTING ME MAKE OUT WITH YOUR GIRLFRIEND."
What can I say? You have this amazing power over straight girls.
They were swingers. Real swingers. Thought it was going to be awesome until some fat guy tried to put my dick in his mouth.
The dude is a cop how would I ever date a cop I wouldn't be able to talk about the first TWENTY-SEVEN years of my life!
This guy on tinder just told me that he wanted to tie me up and asked me what I thought. I told him I wanted tacos
Randomize
