Eating in charleston sc at a seafood place called "hymans". Like normal I had no problem finding it.
I decided to have standards now that i've graduated. No guys without a bed frame.
well i fell out of the hot tub and tumbled down the hill and kicked a plant in the process.
Well I consider my vagina a dear friend. She treats me good I treat her good. We work together. Glad we could be of service.
Just sharpening my eyeliner with a butterfly knife. You know. Typical weekday morning.
I sliced my fucking arm open last night after margarita madness and had to drive myself to the ER. Got six stitches and a social worker came in and asked if I was abused due to my sex bruises. I literally had to tell her "don't worry, I like it rough"
This morning on my way to work I saw a guy ride his bike straight into a woman and her dog while trying to light a bowl. Thought of you.
Im sorry i offered the man at mcdonalds your hand in marriage in exchange for some french fries
The bar would not accept my money. I have reached God status here
I guess I just don't understand how the two main issues with your ex involve a cock ring and a Christmas tree
Of course he's seen my tits, I wave those things around like a trump supporter does an American flag
Fantasizing about the apocalypse is fun and shit until the conditions that could lead to one suddenly seem feasible
You know what sucks about being drunk at 4 pm? Not a god damn thing.
We all love a big dick, but you’re going to develop a reputation if you keep asking every guy at the bar ‘how big your dick’
That’s all I’m saying
That bitch claimed that you said it was ok if she drank your vodka. Obviously she has never met you
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