And, I saw Emily's panties. How? She doesn't sit like a lady.
New low. Found an ant nibbling on my last xanax. Flicked it away and popped it in my mouth anyways.
I just realized i masturbated to the home shopping network. I either need to get a boyfriend asap, or a subscription to a porn website, or i just need to stop taking ambien
he let me wear his jacket and there was a magnum and a bowl in his pocket ... I think im in love
found a rock and smashed the sliding glass door. home safe. screen door is locked so we're good.
I'm at a winery and there's a 50 yr old woman sitting at a table alone with a bottle of wine and the only time I've seen her get up is to harass the hot dog guy
I cried and ate like 6 tacos in the taco bell parking lot at almost midnight, sober, alone, listening to a demi lavato cd. And that was the good part.
Yo I found your batman costume.... It was in my pool with a shitload of beer cans
Things I want for my birthday 1. a Chipotle grade tortilla steamer 2. a new liver
I just windexed my mirror headboard, Lets get to work.
You did it first. I was merely expressing my support for you, by pressing my testicles against a window.
I received a text promising me sex if I drove to Memphis this weekend. Too bad for my penis that we're watching zombie movies and playing cards.
You raged at the rock climbing place for not selling beer and then just said "fuck it" and pulled out a flask.
You are cordially invited to an I'm not pregnant laser tag celebration tomorrow. booze is optional.
Actually, lets be honest. I will probably keep calling him the pastor because it brings me joy using pastor and fuck buddy in the same sentence.
Randomize
