She told me she only masterbates to Kenny Rogers songs.
OMG. What did u say?
I told her I did too.
I hope you have a really shitty weekend. I love you.
remember when you told me, jokingly, to not get jizz on your shirt that i borrowed last night?
i wonder if i could find a boyfriend who would call me big papa
sure if you go to prison
I realize now. I should have just made out with everyone and anyone when I had the chance.
I had to go to the bank to confirm purchases made on 10/31/09 because they were signed as Lady Gaga
She kept saying 'I love you' but i couldn't tell if she was talking to me or to her beer.
After doing lines off my chest, she said, "do you even know how fast I could suck your cock right now?!!" and her friend said, "yea she totally could".
There's always the 'not have sex with the drunk girl I just met at some party' option.
That was the plan but Tequila showed up at the party too.
Beer vodka and pink lemonade powder mixed together. So. Many. Penises. My vagina will be calling out to them tonight. Coooooooooooooome.
my hip hurts so fuckin bad. and I just found a half eaten burrito in my nightstand drawer.
I've fucked 6 of my brothers' friends. I'm completely fine with him fucking the girl we ate lunch with.
He hasn't touched a vagina in two and a half years. THIS IS WAY TOO MUCH PRESSURE TO BE UNDER
I woke up in a limo in long Island, Ny this morning. Talk about a black out
I forgot to lock the door last night. I woke up cuz a guy opened my bedroom door, asked me who I was and where he was. And there was another guy standing in the living room asking me if I knew what apartment "Travis" lives in.
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