my roommates friend slept in my bed when i was out of town..she ran out screaming cause she saw my VCR
So I just almost came on my own face I had to dodge it as it was flying by...that was a first
Should I be offended if he asked if he could use saran wrap to eat me out?
clearly I should have checked to see if he was an NRA member before I went back to his house and woke up in Heston's haven.
he didn't want to fuck because he was too busy skateboarding. what are we 12? I'm too old for this shit.
I just called my mom 'Napoleon bronaparte'. I need to stop hanging out with you.
Nobody knows who the hobo or dude who whipped out his balls is
And then he tried to clean the throw up off my pants with 409
I feel like you guys are talking about real things and have real problems and I'm just over here like 'should I take muscle relaxers or get drunk tonight?'
She called it a palate cleanser. She and her friend dike it out once a year before returning to dick
Together or do they pick up? How far do they go? IS AN AUDIENCE PERMITTED? GODAMIT ANSWERS MAN!!!!!!
If there is a heaven, that's what it will be. Bagel Bites and cunnilingus.
According to my snapchat story, I tore a fake wig off a security guard and ran away with it.
Willing booties have sort of a tractor beam for me.
I'm watching Netflix with my cats and eating homemade bread. Everyone and everything can go and fuck itself.
I literally ended up in this basement and was tangoing w my friend and then I peed in a supply closet and had to be put to bed
Randomize
