I like how washing the beer bong is now a regular part of washing the dishes.
oh, it's pms. I almost cried yesterday bc my roommates didn't seem perky enough when I got home.
Holy mother of cocks. I was grind-with-my-boss drunk last night.
Just a heads up, the coffee pot is filled with Jager.
Just drank an entire bottle of champagne for lunch. It's gonna be that kind of semester.
Im on my period and I feel like I'm going to die. The only thing that can make this tolerable is for you to eat me out in the shower. Please. I'll do anything.
He brought a TOOTHBRUSH and TOOTHPASTE with us on our date..... I want to go home and forget I ever decided to be nice and go on this date in the first place...... A TOOTHBRUSH!?!?!
I have dibs on his crisis of faith.
I feel like I'm going to shit out a Big Mac
The only things in my fridge are almond milk, Smirnoff Ice and chicken noodle soup. I'd say I've done mama proud.
As much of a hooker as I am you don't slam where you drink
It was fine. Until I accidentally shit on his floor.
I ended up sleeping on a park bench. Never using Tinder again.
She's sent me the same nudes using the same gestures and positions... It's like she has a template for her sluty-ness
there is glitter all over my balls
Randomize
