During sex he started singing that song in Forgetting Sarah Marshall--"Inside of You"--by Russell Brand
I think i blacked out...but i remember licking your teeth
My kindergarten teacher served me... All coming full circle
I wish dancing around my house in my bra and underwear to Love Shack whilst eating strawberry cake batter was an acceptable form of exercise.
I don't think she considers it a date unless she publicly urinates
I think he was trying to tie my clitoris in a knot with his tongue. So awful.
Why do I have the 4 of hearts in my bra?
Haha we got sick of drinking on 4 is for whores so we stole the cards...I woke up with three of them in mine
drunken problem solving at its finest
I just got my beard fondled by a drunk chick outside the venue. I feel slightly violated. And I think her boyfriend wanted to fight me.
Life should not be this hard with a dick this big.
I crawled to the bathroom this morning there were cornpops scattered on the floor? What was I doing last night?
My cats name is now jello shot. How much do you love me right now?
I have so much to do, no motivation, and Harry Potter is on. You KNOW whats taking priority in my life right now
Met this british guy. Played pool. Broke into an apartment and had sex
I'm sorry i showed you my boobs.. I probably shouldn't have done that.
So what if is hockey, you don’t turn down sex with a professional athlete. They work out all day and have amazing stamina. Your vagina will thank you!
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