Dude if I didn't piss myself last night I dont think I would have woke up in time for work.
you started whispering 'the itsy bitsy spider' while you were putting your hands up my shorts.
His health insurance plan WILL NOT cover Lasix surgery but it WILL cover 100% of a penis enlargment operation...
I'm wearing boardshorts as underwear to work. This is bachelorhood
I used the picture of my mom and I doing blow job shots in Vegas in the presentation for my Spanish final. Graduation here I come.
just threw up what i'm pretty sure look like contents of a lava lamp
So getting drunk in honor of the bomb threat is legit right?
I let my daddy issue flag fly free last night.
There is nothing worse than the batteries of your vibrator dying on valentines day
How the fuck can he download so much porn but not know how to find the Skype app?
So I couldn't find Leif..... He fell asleep in our closet upstairs trying to get changed into warmer clothes
ELLEHCIM
NYRMAK
DRAHCIR
WHAT??
I wish I could open myself up and check on my liver. Make sure it's hanging on. Ya know?
There was a woman who drank mouth wash to get drunk during her supposed detox...this is def the internship for me!
Can I say it was a great night out of town? Fucking my co-worker in the hotel bed while my best friend is fucking his friend on the floor and a random guy is laying in the other bed meanwhile we are all passing a joint back and forth
Randomize
