Haha dude youd die if you were here. Girl presenting is defending the new testament and did her report on JESUS. best believe i'm gonna ask some hungover, atheist ass questions
How did I get so drunk? We had to fish that girl out of the Goodwill Donation Box.
He locked about 20 beers in a suitcase and put it in the fridge. For a complete idiot, he's a goddamn genius.
getting your period on valentines day is like an extra little fuck you, now you REALLY have no chance of sex tonight.
he kept asking me "do you love it? tell me you love it" as I was riding him.
and...?
I told him it was alright.
He sent me a picture of him bent over showing his asshole with the caption "vwahla".... No more tequila for either of you
Uggh answer your phone, you are the only one I know who'll be proud of what I woke up next to this morning .
i have learned 4:30 is too early to start pregamming for the midnight harry potter
stuck in traffic next to occupy boston. smells like patchouli and unshaven pubes
Idk tell her to wear something sluttty. I have that one skirt I got arrested in if she wants to borrow?
The holidays are too long. I always run out of adderall before I run out of family. you got any left?
A surplus of mistakes were made and I don't know what 89% of them were.
Plus, I have my cousin, the dominatrix, to help me out if things get out of hand
He was 6'5 and wearing a kilt, how could I not fuck him
highlight of my day: hitchhiking a ride with random locals. tried to make conversation, asked what they do. driver says "you clearly don't recognize me." turns out i have had sex with him and forgot.
You are officially qualified to graduate from college.
Randomize
