so this rather large man keeps buying us drinks.......then he licked my face....i dont really care though because the drinks are good. Is this bad?
Nights like last night are what makes cleaning up the vomit in the morning worth it
So I had to explain to her that pussy doesn't mean a cat
im using the astroglide sample u sent me as a bookmark for the book im using to write my midterm paper. i need to get laid. bad.
WHY AM I BEING COCKBLOCKED BY A KID PLAYING HAVA NAGILA ON THE SAXAPHONE
I broke stuart's oven and showed up to the party with a squirrel.
I just Tebowed the shit out of her.
Nice and you can't use "Tebow" in the place of every verb.
Bad news. I baked you a cake and one of my fingernails is missing.
She asked me to go inside, make myself a drink and slip into something a little more naked.
He wanted to feed hamburgers to the homeless... as a first date... who the fuck is this kid
Nope, sorry. Already took my bra off. All down hill from here. My next act will be crying, singing, and eating girl scout cookies in the shower. You can come watch the shit show though.
Are you drunk? Because I am and if you're not, this may be very awkward in the morning
Thats for me to know and you to find out.
I should've realized you were drunk when you began to point at my crotch while yelling "Funland!!!"
Do you remember making out with the dude in the back of my cab last night?? You said his mustache tickled your tongue.
I love you so much and not just because your dick is perfect
Randomize
