Dear man in the lobby please go play whith yourself elsewhere
just gave a yankee's fan wrong directions to Fenway....welcome to boston asshole
shes still asleep dad put a lobster in her bathroom
dude all you wanted to do was sleep under a bridge
He's a waiter, looks 15, and told me he loved me after only talking to me for 30 minutes. I told him I wanted a margarita. We got 3 free pitchers. I may have to make this our regular Wednesday night hangout.
Update: it wasn't just our driver. This ticket confirms that the Royal Oak PD also found our behavior on the party bus to be "Lewd and Indecent."
The worst that could happen is you end up with a black eye and I get laid.. I'm okay with my end of that bargain.
I found your dog. Now we are bros, so he is staying. Don't call, don't make it weird.
I'm using her Instagram as a way to know where in town she is so I can avoid her lol
I wore my Gollum shirt. It struck up a conversation AND got him staring at my boobs. That's a win-win.
You're the best thing in my life, followed closely by cannabis and trashy romance novels
Also, asking the guy who just told you he is crippled on edibles to watch your kid is probably frowned upon by most
Finally finished unpacking shit from school n found a bra with no idea whose it is... I miss college so much it hurts sometimes
A guy who takes a plate of chicken tenders away from us is not to be trusted or slept with
The FEDEX guy just cock blocked me by getting his van stuck in my driveway
Randomize
