I don't want to talk about it. He was like the Little Engine that couldn't get me off.
Was it cool?
About as cool as only getting a handjob on your honeymoon.
I just farted for five sidewalk sections! New personal best.
True life I used my fake as a photo id for my final. My professor told me good luck and laughed. Hope the bouncers are in the St. Patrick's day spirit.
You SHOULD feel empty, we were at the top of our game, and by that i mean snorting things we don't understand and only a few steps away from adultery.
I held a cracker & gaterade down for an hour. I feel like this will be my greatest accomplishment of the day.
Haha, oh man. I'm awake now. Slept in my headdress.
I can taunt you with whatever I want. Like batman and sex.
Shaving my legs with an ankle monitor on is surprisingly more difficult than the drunk driving that got me here
Maybe you need to change your pickup move. The "hey check these out" titty flash gets you the wrong kinda man.
I'm pretty sure I have enough material at this point to start a blog called Guys I've Banged in Pictures together. Why does this keep happening to me!
I went to McDonald's this morning still half drunk with penises drawn all over my body, when my card was declined the cashier asked if I needed Jesus
My boobs weigh the same amount as 25 pancakes
Sorry about peeing on your phone last night
I'm not saying it wasn't great. I'm just saying sleeping with a gassy, depressed,45 year old mother was a different experience. Would do it again though.
Randomize
