Alright folks.. i have made history - I just hit my 2nd PARKED car SOBER withing 6 months.. :*( wtf?!
i made the cop pinkie-promise not to arrest me if i failed the breathalizer.
Just met someone from Jersey. No fist pumps or jagerbombs. Kind of disappointed...
I didn't wanna be that girl that took a shit in the ocean..
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The kid next to me is typing a powerpoint presentation.. title: Reasons to Wear a Condom, subtitle: The Ian Story
The first slide was titled: You Could Get a Girl Pregnant.
not exactly restoring sanity, but he is throwing up on the national mall right now
He tied my whole arm, in its cast, to the headboard first. He mumbled something about safe, sane, and consensual?
well, I yelled "the tribe has spoken!" at a boatload of people and then I walked home alone in the pouring rain at 1:30am. karma really is a bitch, yo.
Hooking up with him was lovely.. but waking up in his bed the next morning and finding double stuffed oreos... I mean.... I won
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Duck, Duck, Goose is now the autocorrect, safe for work version of fuck, fuck, loose.
Thank you for holding my butt in a non-sexual manner when its cold. I appreciate you and your warm hands.
i was so high when i left this morning that rather than make sandwiches i threw bread and peanut butter in my backpack. a whole loaf. and a whole jar
I'm eating animal crackers on my bed next to my vibrator writing about the hopelessness and depravity of humanity. I am LIVING.
After dropping your phone on the ground you got down and sat with it, kissed it and apologized for being so mean
She blew me while I watched the jets game and the hardest thing was deciding what to focus on more
Randomize