Theres puke in my trash can and spilled beer next to my bed... come get your girlfriend
we didnt fuck last night. again. seriously, his place is like where dreams go to die.
You might not want to sit on your couch. Actually you may want to throw it away. My bad.
my brother wants to know why there are wet balloons in his bed and i think you forgot to throw the condoms away but im too hungover to check if thats what hes talking about
yeah my parents were only ten feet away and we somehow managed to do it in five different positions without them noticing
Why is there blood and lettuce everywhere?
They're doing shots to celebrate every 15 minutes passing. You can come get them.
A nice make out session never hurt anyone. Plus he's a pilot, so he'll know the safety procedures for when the night crashes and burns.
Tonight, a friend walked in and said "oh look at that. Drunk on the living room floor. Just as expected." this is my life. This is my life.
No. I either had a 6 minute orgasm or I had so many I lost count. I'm still not sure.
Some toppless girl just walked past me in the hall and gave me half a carton of smokes. I have never been more aroused.
You couldn't even walk but you came into the kitchen with the funnel and begged me to put beer in it
I like to send nudes ok? If that's my biggest flaw I think I'm ok
I think the hamburger goblin stole my cigarettes. I left my purse behind her table and they're not in it now.
If you survived your 72 hour masturbation marathon put on some pants and come over. My mom dropped off a lasagna.
Randomize
