i think the whole apartment complex could hear you beating off last night
I have 250 contacts there has to be someone sober to take me to taco bell
this dude just took some girl under your house for half an hour. you may have helped a 17 year old fuck on the beach for the first time. congrats.
Well, I just watched him puke into his pitcher at the bar, I doubt he cares about anything other than the fact that he needs a new beer.
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what kind of one night stand wants to walk you home in the morning? whole diff kind of walk of shame.
I'm like a walking PSA for tequila shots
Dear Jesus. Send me strength to not suck cock this morning.
Do you know how hard it is to be while you're high with a chuck Norris poster in the bathroom?
I really should have gone with the man who kept offering me cocaine. Why did I chose the German!? STUPID!
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I was using my Beauty and the Beast blanket as a makeshift skirt because no pants
Do you want me to add this to the list of actions I will state at your intervention
I gave his daughter swim lessons and in exchange he sold me an ounce. I feel so accomplished.
like when you break up with someone your virginity slowly starts to grow back & when it's done it's like ding ding ding you're ready to date again
so in addition to the two guys I slept with last night, and the third that I turned down this morning, a fourth has appeared. best Valentine's Day ever.
I'm using emojis for drug deals now. It's time to kill me.
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