rubbing her clit was like playing thumb war
It was like a secret agent hookup. No names, swift execution, get in- get out.
Just found out drinking 6 trays of random shots makes me wake up on a club toilet with my underwear and jeans around my ankles
The bar has bullet holes in the ceiling, and the country singer had been playing drunken weezer covers. A man just bought me a beer on the grounds that I 'have his back' in a fist fight with a stranger texan. And, yes, the bartender is wearing a sherif's badge
I'm going to empty my bank account and roll around in the cash. Want to join?
I know my whole body feels like I belly flopped onto concrete. Seriously need to tone it down for a while
You know.... I ordered the nipple clamps when I was drunk. But on further consideration, THANKS DRUNK ME I LIKE WHATS HAPPENING
She said she wanted you to slurp her vagina like a spaghetti noodle.
Think I have the only job where I can be naked in a room with my manager at work. Apart from hookers
MY BUTT IS BIG ENOUGH FOR AN ANACONDA AND HE DOESNT GET TO ENJOY IT TOUGH SHIT
Remember that time you puked in the middle of wendy's?
Yeah, why?
The staff still remembers me for cleaning it up. Thanks for the free frosty and fries
He kept screaming "I am the thunder!" when he was riding me.
I woke up with a giant paw print on the side of my face, my jaw hurts, and I have no idea how any of this happened.
Maybe for you. You don't have to clean the melted butter off the stove. I LOST THE SPECIAL SEASONINGS.
Honestly, this social distancing bullshit is giving me a good excuse for drinking alone.
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