there are definitely too many half naked pictures of me out there for me to ever be famous.
just scratched off #34 on my list of things to do before age 30 - drunk in a helicopter.
Discovered the secret to willingly attending my 3-o'clock class. Ahoy, Cap'n.
There are drunk kids outside our building hugging that cop that's always on his bike as he's citing them for public drunkenness. It's not even 11 am.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
omg dinner turned into a foam party this is weiriiid
I think the threesome was inevitable when she walked out in nothing but his boxers followed by him completely naked.
Every pair of shorts I try on makes me look like some kind of powerful lesbian wizard.
That is like, the point of shorts
He's my BOYFRIEND but he won't sext me. I'll be like, "tell me how you want to fuck me", and he's like, "I love how we can talk about our feelings". FUCK
I told her the only thing I had going for me was my huge cock. She said she was willing to overlook my other shortcomings.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You just referred to a pillow with a stolen bra strapped to it as "she". Let that sink in for a minute.
this old dude from the bar is giving me a ride home in a van, his bumper sticker says " don't laugh your kids could be in here" scary world ou here
HAPPY AIDS-LESS FOURTH OF JULY YOU HEALTHY FUCK
You told your boyfriend he needed to fuck you in the tree because it would make you guys one with nature.
Did he?
How do you say, "I love you, but i prefer sex with someone else." in a good way? Ponder that over a jack and coke and get back to me.
rowboat hit a rock. taking on water. going down fast. bring cheerios.
aye aye capn
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