So... how did lowering your standards work out last night?
FYI: if you have sex in your room with the light on, we can totally see your shadows from the parking lot
Your boyfriend has good rhythm though.
this party is like a fast-foward into the future when im 40 and married with children
Ah, I knew it wouldn't be long before my boobs were introduced into the conversation.
I've been practicing for you. Including stockpiling medical supplies for curing hangovers.
could you clean the juice and feathers off my bed I'm just not up for hangover cleaning.
She's an honest to god fucking ballerina. She did things I don't have names for.
Bed, food, and you got really nice boobs. That's it really. Foundations of friendship right there.
A 'Bear Fight' is a car bomb followed by a Jaeger bomb. Fuckface and I do those on slow days. Tonight, we did a 'Polar Bear on Fire'. Fireball, a bear fight in the middle, and end with rumple minze.
I made friends at the beach bars tonight. Several were worried for my well being.
Do you ever get a cramp in like, ONE labia?
Please come check out theses cougars grinding on a pole. I feel like they're showing us up and we need a duel stat
Parade of Dicks...that's what I'm calling 2017
the yoga instructor with the "dirt" and "roots" tattoos is seriously mother nature. i get my period after ever session i have with her. i'm trippin' balls over it.
when I finally sobered up enough to get out of bed this morning I went to talk to mom and forgot that I had TITS written in big letters on both my hands. I love drinking games.
At least they took the pillow of my bed before they had sex. My friends are so polite.
Randomize
