Cool, see you soon... she just admitted to her friends that it was a queef.
I feel like a bad episode of csi trying to figure everyone's DNA that's in me
Call me at 7:30 and make sure I'm not asleep in this booth at Waffle House.
miscarriage! now THATS a gift from god.
He got so drunk that he tried hitting on a girl using nothing but his Samuel L. Jackson soundboard application on his Iphone
the room spins SO much faster in panama
Oh god I think I promised some guy from high school that I'd be his fuck buddy in like 3 months
I let a guy with dreads drive my car, then demanded he take me back cause I don't let strangers drive my car, while repeatedly apologizing for being a cock block.
I kind of learned that hotels are unnecessary. Boys will just take you home, but that's tough with a group. I believe in us, though.
I decided not to eat, and then this man was my fairy " don't black out" godmother
Welcome to drunk texts. Live from Margaritaville, it's Saturday night!!!
Whenever I see women with terribly drawn on brows, I just wanna tackle them and redo them and run away. I'll be Brow-lady. The beauty superhero
i just woke with half a bagel saran wrapped to my phone and a cookie in an envelope beside my head...
Dude. I need you to practice dancing around in your banana hamock. Party boy style. I'll call later with details.
THAT HOSPITAL MADE ME REALIZE THAT I'M BISEXUAL
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