can you pick up eggs and chocolate sauce on your way home?
what kind of party is this?
the best kind ever
It's not mothers day until you're vomitting syrup into grandma's toilet. Cherish the holidays
I wish there were college classes that were useful to your daily life, like how to pack a proper bowl in pitch black darkness.
She gave 2 thumbs up when Nirvana came on the radio while blowing me in the bathroom
I was just wished a Happy Valentine's Day by the (Mexican) Chinese food delivery guy. I've never had clearer "get your life together" message than that.
Yeah he's still asleep. I washed the blender out. He tried to make a ham-shake. Lets wait until after break to have that talk. I kind of want to see where this goes.
The kind of drunk where you put two tampons in thinking that it'll last me longer ...
I went to the obgyn with chipped nail polish.. Somewhere Beyonce was looking down, shaking her head, whispering "Not fierce."
He struggled for a second trying to unhook my bra and I said "4/10. Novice."
He woke me up holding a gallon of apple juice and a shot glass...
She acted like falling "up" the stairs was a fucking physics phenomenon. I call that Tuesday nights.
my goal is to never have a bac of 0.0 the whole time while in the state of florida, which means i have to chug a beer before i cross the state line
Does it still count as a threesome if one girl left halfway through cause we were having too much sex?
Fuck you for even being able to ask that question
You know why I love being a regular at this bar? It's because at a certain point last call is only a suggestion.
We get up to three toppings. Dignity is not one of them.
Randomize
