i feel sorry for the hotel staff that makes the bed after we have sex
I gave the naked guy in the hotel hall a pop tart. He stopped crying.
Oh, I made pasta salad in the throw up bowl. I hope you don't need that for the next few days.
I woke up to his gay cousin telling me I had the prettiest boobs. I don't even wanna know.
A sandwich with pizza as the bread. I love you.
YES WITH THE SQUARE KIND OF SLICES
No. Mother. Fucking. Jello shots. Just no. I'm not falling into that trap again.
It's been over a year since we've been get-so-drunk-you-throw-beer-cans-at-fat-girls-drunk together. That needs to change.
I'm drawing the line at your vagina. I will not accompany you to get that pierced and/or tattooed. There's got to be some mystery to our relationship.
I had the hottest doctor assess me at the hospital. He smelled like heaven and sex.
Why can I remember how tall Nicki Minaj is from looking up her height once months ago, yet after weeks into the semester I can't even remember where any my classrooms are located
Importance
did the thing where I quickly swipe right to every girl on Tinder & matched with my sis. God I hope swiping carelessly is hereditary
I'm actually really happy I can say that my first body shot was out of a gay strippers massively ripped chest
just realized we fucked to the ultimate disney playlist last night. hakuna matata.
Hey I’m obsessed with Charlie Heaton from stranger things...not because he got caught at the border with coke...okay that’s a lot of it
whole 5th of capt = waking up in the shower after 2 hours and the whole house asking why i'm STILL in a towel. and me having nothing to say
Randomize
