All I want to do is go home, strip down to my pants, get in the shower and pee down my leg
I'm on the bus and the homeless person in the seat to my left is jacking off to a cartoon picture he found. He's now cleaning up with mitten I dropped.
just paid a stripper to have a minute conversation about the arizona game WTF
we were sitting in the bathtub when she came in with her grandpas cane adn beat us until lindsay passed out
just tried to pee in the sink at wendys...need to stop letting my drunk habits get into my sober life
i think he was starting go for a boob grab when we both realized the middle of a public tennis court wasn't the place
I vaguely remember having a 'grass is greener' conversation about our nipples. Dream or beautiful reality?
Beautiful, beautiful reality
Why is there a chicken nugget nailed to my front door?
im currently assessing the tequila situation in preparation of your arrival
He is a sweet angel sent from dick heaven!
I told ya. I'm super awesome at making things super awkward. I'm the Awkwardnator.
What kind of sociopath goes to sleep at 9pm when I clearly need attention
WEED BROWNIES! He put weed in my brownie mix! And he got it from YYYYOOOOUUUU!
Look at the bright side mom. After 20 years dad is still capable of surprising you!
Shut up Max.
She started crying because the Rugrats grew up
Thanks for fucking the skin off my dick
It was a joint effort between my vagina my feet and your hand you can't just blame that all on me
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