Are you kidding me. My sex life has diminshed to having wet dreams about jerking off.
They said "my eyes made me look intoxicated" ......we harassed them all night and we called the cops and told them that the bouncer that kicked us out was selling meth in the club ...and then we went to wendys
Hes laying on the floorn in the bathroom telling Jesus to raise the flag
We should invent fake asshair for you to wear so you can experience my pain for a day.
Shrimp lo Mein doused in green apple Smirnoff is a rare delicacy only a few get to experience..guess I should consider myself lucky
I'm confident that their children would come out as 100% authentic rats
Sending out old nude selfies with the message "#tbt"
When i was tripping hard i was banging Jeff's roommate and her room turned into Hogwarts
Also when we were banging i thought my high school librarian was perched up on top of the stereo like a gargoyle but it ended up just being her cat
Then he kissed my hand sensually and said "you're a Black Queen. Don't let anyone tell you different."
Is there a tactful way to ask "how are your balls?" Or do I just ask point blank
sometimes you just have to listen to beyonce and cry. that's how life works
It was great. Except he kept asking me to lick his butthole, I was like firm no
Why the fuck are you playing with legos?
Why the fuck are you questioning me?
Your Saturday night was spent at the opera, mine was spent exchanging naked pics with a hot middle aged man that is so ripped that he looks like he's photoshopped. This is why we're blood sisters. We balance each other out.
I hate you so hard.
Is she talking about a testicle cuff or just a cock ring? How did you meet this girl?
Is there a big difference?
It’s about the same as the difference between a night of drunken sex with a stripper at the Bellagio and being robbed and left for dead by a crystal meth tweaker
Randomize
