Chicken burrito, or no deal.
Is that code for my vagina?
Who the fuck has ever referred to a vagina as a chicken burrito
We gotta make a movie eventually. All good, long-lasting relationships include a homemade porno
I wonder if you can snort coke upside down
He's 11. You dont draw dicks on 11 year olds, i dont care if he ate your lasagna
she was talking at me constantly for like 20mins. i kept praying for a brain hernia but it kept not happening...
Ever have those mornings where you just can't wait to puke in the shower?
I'm not sure what happened last night but I woke up next to him and I was wearing nothing but my grandpa's diabetic socks, so I'm letting that fill in the blanks.
Pretty sure I just heard the turkey yell "don't put me in there" as it was going in the oven. way too high for this holiday.
Makes Sense, i generally dont want the same person two days in a row. Its like what i pick for supper, i like variety
Im currently watching two girls making out. In the library. Hope your studying is going as good as mine is. Haha
He wanted to watch the vow, cuddle, and not have sex. An upgrade is in order.
What're you gonna do with the rest of your night?
Probably watching cooking videos and fantasizing about pie
I like to be the stable force in your otherwise chaotic existence.
You chipped your front tooth on the toilet bowl. Should I call your dentist?
Complete and utter failure. 100% unsalvageable. I have not failed so hard at a culinary endeavor in YEARS. MY HONOR IS IMPUGNED I HAVE SHAMED MY HOUSE
Randomize
