My little brother has some high school girls in my pool, it's like a jailbait buffet in my backyard
were with a gay guy with a minnesota accent. think about how funny that sounds.
I'm gonna answer everything she says with 'cum on da face' until she breaks up with me...great idea or greatest idea?
You stuck your head out the window to puke and got hit with a mailbox.
hooking up with my manager sounds like an even better idea while i'm sober.
he sent me a picture of his dick with a heart border around it
You tried to sled down the middle of the street. In. Your. Coat. Of course you are bruised.
there's another hole in my ceiling...someone fell through the attic this time....
I woke up to find his roommate face down on the couch with no pants on, with a sticky note that said "was lost but now am found"
There was a group of girls next to us. One was smiling at me. I only remember walking up and saying "oh you're Russian". Not sure where it went from there
My pants are like a grocery bag containing ONLY jelly beans right now.
Nevermind, there are three drinks waiting at the bar for me. I cannot disappoint this alcohol.
He found a way to charmingly ask me for a threesome and when I said no he made it sound like he was even happier. He's a fucking wizard
But in today's society it's frowned upon not to wear pants in public.
My ladyscape is the envy of many and the shangrila of few. I will display it proudly.
I'm sorry for what I said when I was orgasming
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