we better have passed that bar exam - i dont want to have to drink like this again
six shots in, he is hammered and doing stretches before each shot
We just took turns doing keg stands. 27 is way too old for this. Out of 5 of us, our best time was 9 seconds.
I just realized that there are baby oil soaked hand prints on the wall over my bed. Last night was a good night.
Speaking is such a hard concept right now
How did you make it to work sans hangover?
4 words: Clif Bar soaked in tequila. Just like albert pujols
I don't give a damn about what he wants to do with his life. Personalities are for pussies.
i think when the guy sitting in the corner singing tells you you're too drunk, you're too drunk.
I have whiskey and jager. There's no telling what kind of monster will emerge
S.O.S. he's talking about horses and breast feeding.
Whatever, I used my iphone to send an Escalade to pick up a booty call last week. For free. It is futuristic as fuck out here.
So I saw her today...and it was weird...she is just like not pregnant anymore.
Dude...how high are you? of course she isnt pregnant anymore...thats what happens when you give birth
I am making up for a 7 year dry spell so I get a pass and I don't always care if there is a second date. It is like college but with more money and condoms.
I woke up in someone's flat in Budapest and then got offered a free piercing before I left. Best. Hookup. Ever.
He woke me up holding a gallon of apple juice and a shot glass...
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