Ha. Yes. I'm at a strip club. I'm the barack obama of strip clubs
we were having sex and she freaked out when i said nipple
Ever since he's come out, my facebook stalking experience has gotten uncomfortable
She told me I reminded her of the fair. And she wanted to deep fry my dick and eat it.
P.S, i don't recommend doing keg stands on top of vehicles.
Good thing it was his birthday because I accidentally grabbed his dick at the bar. A lot.
Make me a sandwich
The day you make me feel like my detachable showerhead does I'll make you a sandwich.
Why am I always the sober one?
Cause you're the only one with any sort of self control. It's kinda your super power...
I SMOKED SO MUCH I SKIPPED A DAY.
no, I didn't go in the end. Too hungover and hot, plus Star Wars is on so obviously I'm having a naked day.
And then he dove into my vagina like scrooge mcduck into a room of gold
He made a toga out of my hot pink bed sheets and cracked an egg on his head. Then he proceeded to alphabetize our DVD collection, which was impressive because I'm 99% sure he couldn't have done that sober.
And thanks! There are perks to polyamory. And birthday orgies are one of them
You made me take you back to Mcdonalds so you could yell at the guy for not giving you enough ketchup packets
I vaguely recall french fries...
You then proceeded to call your mom and tell her you weren't coming home because you were "tripping balls"
Sweet...
He was laying on a lawn chair, fell off onto his stomach and asked, "where'd the stars go?" That high.
Randomize
