No one appreciates an amoeba in a balloon hat.
i wish we had vans that drove around at night but insteand of ice cream and jolly tunes its taco bell and the macarena
i just had sex with a fat kid who giggles when he cums. tequila really lowers my standards.
I am sitting on my kitchen floor drunk with a bottle of jose cuervo, tryin to make cinnamon rolls and write a paper. I love college
i couldnt tell she was wearing a bumpit until she started giving me head
I am laying on the kitchen floor eating cold chicken fingers and drinking wine. welcome to my new years party.
How long after st. Patrick's day is it ok to shit green before I should seek medicial attention?
Na Im fine, just need to un-grow this vagina I've developed
I was having the most awesome dream about onion rings and you hit me and told me to stop touching you...WTF?
He also gave me two gold stars for sex. On my nipples.
Keep it up. It gets easier when you turn 21. Something happens in people's brains when they turn 21 and all of a sudden you have the power to drink constantly and abuse drugs and still graduate with good grades and your shit together. Im almost positive I read it in my freshman year bio textbook
Drunk me made out with someone's girlfriend last night, was invited to their place for a semi-threesome, and then walked home at three am. Can't decide if this is better or worse than drunkenly challenging everyone to taekwondo sparring matches...
He wouldn't stop calling me so I sent him a text saying "I'm dead. Dead. Leave me alone." And he replied with "so can I see you then?"
Just reintroduced tequila back into my life...so that's happening
YAS SHES BACK AND BETTER THAN EVER
You went outside, peed in the front yard, and asked me to bring you some toilet paper.
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