I think a homeless person took a bath in my mouth while I was sleeping :(
Through drunken recall, I have managed to bring back awful memories of losing my virginity. And possibly traumatized my niece trying to get her to "learn from my mistakes".
Also, last night I had a dream that I was in a victoria's secret fashion show and they made me wear a t-shirt over my lingerie. Spring dieting begins now.
Depending upon how the Sox game progresses, I'll either cry on the bar or fuck someone tonight...
I wish you could see how much hot sauce and broken glass are in our apartment right now.
Im making gravy in a lace bra and jeans. Just call me the southwern wet dream
So I had a crappy evening so the fat girl in me says eat and cry and watch something sad. The cool girl in me says don't eat go run. So I'm watching family guy and doing crunches w a pickle in my mouth
Gross
AN ACTUAL PICKLE
All I can remember is posting my chicken burger in the post box. Postman is in for a treat.
Seriously, I woke you up with tacos, I think I deserve the best girlfriend ever award
We can get high as fuck when there are no orders. If not its cool. I just figured Take Your Blunt Buddy To Work Day.
I want to eat a stick of butter
Did your pain meds kick in?
It tastes nice
Wtf is this place? I don't see any alcohol and I feel like we were supposed to bring our own strippers.
i just got carded for condoms. wtf.....this is new. isnt safe sex a good thing?
Plus we had to have sex before the game because there is a good chance we won’t be speaking for the rest of the week. #ironbowl
everytime he speaks i want to fuck him less. i just wanna tell him to shut up and take his pants off and we could both be happy.
Randomize
