I just saw a woman parallel park a horse. Awesome. Only in New York..
dude smells like cheese burgers and loose women...... i want his life
Remember when we were trying to guess how many people could fit in my shower? The answer is 7
I caved and texted him. But it's strictly drug dealing business so it doesn't count.
Girls should come with a carfax report
dude i feel like at any given point 3/5 of that family is trying to fuck you
You could give me a blowjob later? :)
I meant do something romantic..
Blowjob In the moonlight?
Alright whatever you say... But in the future when you really wish you had a dildo don't come crying to me about it.
I have a 16 minute video of you talking about your life. We are calling it your Anthology sponsored by Steel Reserve
You asked me to text you at 11 and remind you that he's 33. It's 11:20. He's 33.
you're too late. he has eggnog and whiskey and all seven seasons of buffy. I shan't be coming home tonight
I won't be able to get a boner for a month
Challenge accepted.
he just fucked me for my cheese..
Please wake up and help me figure out how I woke up on the floor with my head under the couch
She told us she had powers and that eating tree bark cures the shits.
Complete and utter failure. 100% unsalvageable. I have not failed so hard at a culinary endeavor in YEARS. MY HONOR IS IMPUGNED I HAVE SHAMED MY HOUSE
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