Fuck. I have a girl here waiting on me in my room! I told her I was going to get a drink of water... I'm in the bathroom taking a dump... I have mudd butt bad... There's NO toilet paper!!
he only lasted three minutes, so to spite him i stayed the night and slept in.
its been so long since i'vebeen laid i've forgotten what a penis looks like. When a guy makes me hot i picture him finishing the job by whipping a multi-setting showerhead out of his pants.
it's just weird having a massive boner in the morning when you could have used it the night before.
I JUST WOKE UP ON A TRAIN
I SHUDNT B ON A TRAIN
Well, I guess this was as good a night as any to find out I don't know how to use my fire extinguisher.
Stoned ambition #8. Must learn sign language.
I really wish I had added "blowjob on a slide at a playground" to my bucket list before last night.
It is too early in this hangover to be seeing some guys ass crack.
I dunno if you guys are having weird sex or a most accurate bird sound contest but either way stop doin it
Opening beer with my teeth is getting easier the drunker I become.
It turns out my teeth are bleeding.
Woke up this morning with Nerf Bullets stuck to everything in my house and nut in my belly button. What exactly happened last night?
it's like he didn't even know what a vagina was
Good news!! I can adult!! 😂 turning down the strip club on a weeknight has become my crowning achievement ðŸ˜ðŸ˜‚
Starting to realize that fucking everyone I come across isn't the most... "adult"... coping method.
Randomize
