just took batteries out of my vibrator to play wii guitar hero. think i am gonna regret that move later tonight.
I just had an epiphany. There is NOTHING TO STOP ME from making cake mix and eating it all instead of making a cake. It feels like my entire life has peaked at this moment.
legit been throwing up since 7am. told my parents the two bowls of puke in my dorm were soup
I just watched a blind kid buy from one of the vending machines on campus...guess there's nothing like a good surprise?
we have 69 mutual friends...i have to add her
Just saw a half naked, drunk, 6th grade math teacher throwing small children around to the Titanic soundtrack.
What kind of wedding is this and why wasn't I invited
I just won unlimited hot dogs for life. I'm so glad I smoked
Due to our sore throats we are now doing bong hits with cranberry juice to sooth it.
They got a 10 foot tall beach ball from the roof of a McDonalds. Get the fuck over here.
Oh my god. He likes it up the butt. But loves womanly support. Omg. Its bad. Its bad. Ive had too much whiskey for this to be ANYthing except bad.
I knew it was on when he was dancing on stage and I gave him a dollar so in return he ripped my tit out of my shirt and started sucking on it IN THE MIDDLE OF THE BAR.
You were so drunk last night you left the bar to go buy a razor so you could go home with him
I feel like a pizza delivery girl of vagina tho
I'm not gonna lie. I'm a little scared.
Good. The Jell-O shots look great.
Drunk me wants sober me to be happy, woke up with half a dozen doughnuts in my bed this morning.
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