i am NOT doing that with my feet, or any part of my body
It took me 40.8 seconds to take a dump at her house, I know because I timed myself.
Reason #1 for no sex outdoors: Mosquito bites. Awkward, awkward mosquito bites.
I'm about to tackle a 10 year old off a sea doo
New rule during sex: if it causes you to take your rings off, don't do it.
We talked him into tasing himself.
Also, I don't remember opening my gifts from my family. It was cool when I woke up with a new ihome.
I'll just tell her I'm here with you picking out a buttplug for her to say "I'm sorry".
Boys DO look like their dicks. Its like dogs.
Has my life seriously led me to day drinking on a Monday the third week of the semester?
It's after 5, it's not day drinking.
I went full Overly Attached Girlfriend. You never go full OAG.
Please don't pee your pants in the cab. One more time, and im pretty sure the cab companies will refuse to pick you up anymore
I still have that dildo-suction bruise on my forehead and this sweater STILL smells like my Christmas Eve vomit.
twas supposed to be night one of rebound break but it was night one of get sloppy drunk and dance half naked in an ice shack
She could hold her breath for a long time. Best underwater blowjob ever.
Randomize
