Playing drinking games to Nancy Grace totally counts as "keeping up with current events.."
I can't. He's too cute and my tongue is too long.
Are you really this nice or are you just trying to get in my pants?
Both?
He was drinking a long island through his Breathalyzer tube.
Currently smoking a blunt with my one night stand's mom. I don't know how I should feel about this.
We are stranded. Come find us. Bring an egg
is there a way to sugar-coat "shes in jail" when someone is texting me asking where their friend is?
You don't seem to appreciate the rareness of his junk.
Send me a picture. I'm more of a visual learner.
FUCK YOU. AH. FUCK BOTH OF US MORE BOOZE.
MAS TEQUILA.
I ran into my boss at the liquor store on our lunch hour we both just stood there awkwardly until i was like your car bar or mine hahaha we both need a cab
I just watched in amazement as you had a full conversation about water temperature and bacteria with your pet goldfish.
He gave me the award for most entertaining blow job. That should count for something.
You introduced her by saying, "This is the girl who sexes me." Then you passed out on the coffee table.
Shia LaBeouf arrested in austin for public intoxication. JUST DO IT
Had a one night stand and didnt remember the guys name until he started sending me poems in the mail.
Randomize
