M and I are hungry and we are making your pizza in the fridge. But you're having sex and we're not so we dont feel bad.
Dude she has a bf and shes on lockdown more than Nelson Mandela in 95
apparently the secret to your success is patron
Dude I think you forgot how to talk last night. We kept asking if you wanted a condom and you just smiled and made weird noises...
They call it the Collection Couch because all 4 room mates have slept with at least 3 different girls on it. He tried to seal the deal with "would you like to be number 14?"
And sadly I did.
They let you pick the name that they announce for you at graduation. The professional world needs to prepare itself for papa smurf mcdonald.
Apparently someone switched my cash for monopoly money after midnight so I couldn't get any more drinks at the bar
Currently microwaving whipped cream to make white Russians and hotboxing the kitchen while this random kid is dancing in the corner.
Just puked up hair, tacos and vodka. Hello Memorial Day weekend.
I'd be a gr8 surrogate. I'm gonna love your fetus
I think I just danced on the bar. With a man named Alabama.
Thank you for turning 21. I'm going to love reading your texts.
I tripped while walking across the stage and while trying to pick my diploma back up my flask fell out in front of the dean
I really wanted to pound but her roomate was making mac n cheese n shit so I was trying to time her moans to the drone of the microwave
Just showed my drunk fiancé where I got circumcised, she's been crying for twenty minutes.
I mean metaphorically. Literally zombies have yet to invade. Let's be rational here.
Randomize
