the guy I was hooking up with asked me if he could wear a guerilla suit during sex.
Don't be a dummy cum on the tummy. Make her a slut, and cum in her butt. Have no fear, jizz in her ear. Don't be a noob, cum on her boob. Forget her rack, blow on her back. Just take off your coat and jizz in her throat. And if she seals off her holes, cum in her rolls
is that a poem?!
You were hopping up and down because you wanted only his strongest sperms to make it to the egg.
Darwin at his finest.
Downstairs neighbor just asked me to tell people when they jump off the balcony next time not to land on her flowers
They were lying down in the parking garage pretending to be speed bumps...
I waited so long to accept his friend request that he canceled it. So I added him and when he accepted I deleted him. I wonder how long this will be funny to me
It was total unicorn galloping on a fucking rainbow awesome.
Would nail polish remover take gorilla glue off my nipples? We had a strange night.
The golf course isn't that incognito for sex.
Welcome to my Tuesday when my lesbian ex girlfriend shows up unexpectedly and gets me drunk and then leaves
I came so hard I went blind for a few seconds.
The only thing that makes a night with half a bottle of cheap vodka is the other half of that bottle of cheap vodka.
Just made a drug contact standing in the sandwich line in the dining hall. Is this real life?
You're my fucking hero.
Its safe now. But... Nobody should sleep on my bed tonight.
Security showed up because apparently we were fucking too loud.
As your roommate I can attest that y'all do indeed fuck rather loudly
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