So im pretty sure the object of my emotional onterest is tired of playing with me....
Totally saw a hot amputee. I think this is called character growth.
its 9am. i just got home. spent 6 hours blowing him in a closet last night
Where does it all go? I've busted inside of you like 10 times in the last week.
I'm the only kid serving jury duty. And I'm the only one who may walk out of here in handcuffs for a warrant. I'm enabling these people to doubt America's youth once again.
I just heard "I just let you finger me on Megabus, I clearly don't have standards".
Somehow I got food poisoning AND alcohol poisoning in the same night. Its like everything I love is trying to kill me. I'm waiting for my tv to make its move.
The other night I NICELY told her she looked like Jack Sparrow
Was so close to hoppin on it but then I realize it's not a dick and I needed to keep walking. Primal instincts.
What if there is no right person? Maybe it's just the right cat. Or the right 12 cats.
I lost my favorite bra in his hotel room. Is it bad that that's the only reason I hope he texts me tomorrow?
Concept: I never actually flirt with anyone, I'm just a bitch and some people find it endearing
Well, I can now cross "dirty drunk homeless hobo" off of my bucket list of people who have been successful wingmen for me. North Carolina is getting weird.
Quit being awkward towards me every time the group is together. They're going to figure out we're fucking.
there is puke in my bra ... again
Randomize
