your thong is hanging out like whoa
Come home. Im drunk and cutting my own hair. This is bad, i need you.
The Shake Weight not only toned my arms but significantly improved my hand job form and efficiency.
I still can't figure out why that's not in the commercial.
You know what is really helpful - when the two guys you want to fuck stand next to each other. Stay tuned for who wins
Dude. The walls are totally staring at me right now. I told you this was a bad idea.
I may only be a second year med student but I feel very confident in calling that a micropenis.
In the middle of having sex with me, she reminded me that I was supposed to call my mom that morning. My penis has never retracted so quickly.
And if it was a miscarriage you should figure out whose it was. He must be an alphamale for his offspring to sustain life this long in the amusement park that is your body
His cuteness will no longer contol my vagina
So I was bartending last night and this guy w/ his gf said that he recognized me, so I asked him, "do you watch a lot of gay porn?"
My heart feels like a grape in a barrel about to be crushed into wine
Made out with some dude at the bar last night. Was fun until he thought bohemian rhapsody was by The Who
I'm not 100 percent on this, but I think I just shit a lump of cement. What the fuck happened last night?
But like, I don't remember getting hit with the door... I just come out from peeing and there was blood running down my face.
....I just did my boss
I love you. And I will hold your hand as we skip on the road to hell.
Randomize
