My hair reeks of homosexuality.
I just realized that the music from spongebob is also used in real sex HBO.
chastity bono is officially a man...and has a really hot girlfriend...life doesn't make sense
the guy at the pet shop just had an eye seizure while looking at my chest
the last 2 times weve had drunk sex ive had to get the morning after pill.. he's turning into a real expensive fuck buddy.
if i actually bought condoms for every time i had sex, i could single handedly fix the economy
i drank out of my shoe...were you seriously expecting me to be the voice of reason?
i was just offered a 40 day sex challenge. prepare for the best 40 days of your life.
oh. my. god. yes.
I don't know if it was his cologne or his Jesus hair, but he was much more fuckable than last time I saw him.
Now that I think about it, it may have been the 6 pitchers of beer.
I gave up. I'm crying over my notes. Oh, ya know, just another drunk finals week
you said candy land and then passed out.
ps. we found your stash in the candyland game. Thanks.
Please come and rip my uterus out before it does it itself
I have a gay crossdressing neighbor that's dresses up as a slutty pirate. 6 beers from now I would have hit on him. I hate halloween.
I partied with 2 slutty ninja turtles from Sweden last night, I Love Halloween.
My FitBit tracked the calories I burned during sex. Hello 2015!
Alan said you can come over and eat me out anytime you want, as long as we give him enough notice to hide in the closet before we arrive
Randomize
