im at the bar and i misjudged a fart...go home or ride the night out?Never mind, the bouncer made the decision for me...be home soon
I was in the bathroom throwing up...when I walked out he was sitting there watching porn and jacking off. He said, "Sounded like you were gonna be in there for a while."
Farmville is her only friend.
I just figured I'd let u know that you bought a yacht on ebay last night
Woke to a half burnt 20 in my pocket, covered in mud, clothes all wet, so im assuming I didn't use that 20 you gave me for a taxi
Your cum is still running out of me. I pity the next person that tries these jeans on....
Looking at an apartment in Houston. It's right beside my favorite bar and the zoo. Best or worst decision?
It got heated then she just left and I was all alone in the women's restroom.
It looks like I colored my belly button red at some point
Let's go one conversation without mentioning cats or alcohol someday.
You can't say "my boobs are wonderful" and not expect my drunken subconscious to focus on wanting to see them. Btw-can I see them?
would it be uncouth to smoke a joint during office hours
This is why you're my favorite TA
I would fuck him just for his dog
What?? I could've slept with an ordained minister!
fyi: first time in five days i havent washed my birth control down with liquor. when are we going out tonight?
Randomize
