i just walked outside for a cigarette and three men walked by in glitter heels and gold shiny thongs. god i love chicago
i took an adderall last night to write a paper. i ended up watching 7 hours of roseanne and couldn't look away
I'm drinking Dom Perignon from the bottle with a straw just to piss of some french dude.
Emily is drunk. We're coming to see you at work and we're bringing jello shots for you.
Some might say its sad that I am willingly picking up a coke habit to be the skinniest bridesmaid... I think it shows my great dedication and proves I should have been maid of honor.
think he just told me if I need to shit I should go outside.
I am playing a little game I like to call "How Quickly Can I Infuse This Vodka Into My Bloodstream Without the Use of an IV"
I just got a get of my turf look from a hooker. Apparently, Ninja Turtles T-shirt+Jeans+Flip-Flops=Hooker Gear. Woot.
I ran into him drunk, barefoot, at rite aid and he said I looked "stunning." Yeah, Stunningly shitfaced haha
If there's one thing i learned from edward 40hands is that i couldnt handle life with bottles for hands
I think he's like Cher he's going to live forever but not as scary looking
I don't know what you're doing this morning, but obtaining Plan B is my number-one priority.
It true. It written in the Bible.
Yes I remember that, right next to the passage where jesus said unto his disciples, pop molly, fuck bitches amen
She said if you lived here it would be like the x rated version of 3's company
It's a classy one I promise! Their toilets are cushioned an tier wifi is named hummingbird
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