everything is bigger in texas. Including my drinking problem.
The only thing I've had to eat today was the half eaten sausage biscuit I found on my chest when I woke up this morning.
Since when do you wear a bracelet?
Not a bracelet. Half a pair of handcuffs
Some milfs here doing some blow
Dad?
Um, I don't really remember much about the event... and then I woke up on the metro..
just found deep spiritual meaning in spongebob.... that high.
my goal was to make out with as many people dressed as batman as possible. I have my priorities.
Stripper with the black hair and lip rings is still asleep. Found out she wasn't lying when she said she was a squirter, it was like splash mountain.
He said and I quote "Had to beat one off in the Burger King bathroom before I went over." Thats somebody that takes pride in his work.
I was grinding on people that were grinding. Nonconsensual.
He tried to tell me that that stripper was his aunt..
Dude my doctor just legit got down on her knees and loudly begged me to do my pap smear
I WILL KICK YOU IN THE FUCKING THROAT IF YOU EAT MY FUCKING ICE CREAM.
dude, where did you go? french fries taste like numbers
I just realized I had arrested my one night stand from last night...
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