Would you object to my putting the bidet video on my Facebook page? It;s awesome.
He never called back after I emailed him my booty call contract.
we made a giant pot of alcholic jello. i filled a gallon bag and brought it to dorms. desk guy gave me weird looks, he doesnt realize this is how i will pass all of my room searches
Yeah, that's not really a good thing. Especially for a girl. You should get a tattoo on your stomach that says "Please wear a condom".
Fucking Canada. At least when they wake up tomorrow they're still in Canada
My grandma paid her handyman in pain killers. I now know why this is in my genes
And I was somehow convinced to wash the glassware at the bar topless.
IT'S A FUCKING GIANT POKEBALL MAD OUT OF TINY ROSES
You know you've got awesome issues when the main deciding factor of whether or not to cut your nails depends on nacho consumption in the near future
I'm going to pretend you don't watch My Little Pony and focus on your large cock. Kay? Don't bring it up again.
$1 drinks and Playboy theme. I am never leaving this place
when I type Christina's, my phone's predictive text assumes my next word is boobage
So instead of going to meet her mom, I decided to jump out of her window which was about 1.5 stories off the ground. I'm alright, but I ended up meeting her mom anyway.
Cause I know you wanna ride the D like a Vespa in ROMAN HOLIDAY
You were so drunk Last night you asked for your glasses so you could read the directions on a band aid
Randomize
