Im going to bring a boy home tonight, and not tell him that I have my period. So when he tries to fuck me, I say no, and look really classy. Then he thinks I'm marriage material. So I give him head.
After I told my husband the docter shot me in the ass, he said - oh they can but I can't?!
Why is there a shirtless guy in Walgreens and why is he probably looking for the same thing I am?
i may or may not have just grinded on your dog thinking it was my boyfriend
There's a girl in the bathroom crying about something having to do with cream cheese.
My worst fear almost came to light...I was choking and the cats stared at me like they had no problem eating my face if I died
She went outside in nothing but her panties and came back inside 15 minutes later wearing a different pair of panties.
For sure. I'm slow cooking a 6 pound pork shoulder wrapped in bacon. If that doesn't scream "guys I'm going into culinary arts lets get drunk" I'm not sure what does.
I watched you down those shots like a lion cub watching its mother rip apart a gazelle
Dick. I'll go round and break his windows. I've been watching Sons of Anarchy on Netflix.
I don't really feel bad about it, but I legit just squirted in the back of an Uber and it makes me think how many times has this happened before?!?!
Moral of the story: fuckboys never change
I'll never lecture you, go get that dick baby girl make momma proud,I didn't raise no quitter
Nate is still in lock up because when the cop informed me he'd shit his pants in the squad car I declined to post bail.
On the brightside we know now that empty pringle cans are accepted at mcdonalds as cups.... Screw people who judged us, we saved a buck
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