so heres a good story. about 6 hrs ago i took a bath with bruce blasting. and 6 hrs later i woke up still in my bathtub but in cold water
I told him I was prego. He asked coul we do it without a condom now since I cldn't get any pregnanter. What an a-hole.
we were dressed as cave people and he kept telling everybody i was so easy a caveman could do it.
I wrote and sealed my mom's mothers day card last night while intoxicated.. should i put it in the maibox
without a question
he puked in his toast at dennys. after snoopdogg high fived him. couldn't be prouder to be his bro in law.
i climbed out of the bath tub this morning and found him taped to the treadmill
Blackout me just wants to pee on sober me's dreams. Literally.
So then you challenged the bartender to an arm wrestling contest for a free bottle of vodka
Sweet. Did I win?
Youre hungover arent you?
Dude I introduced the hot Russian girl to the hot Ukrainian girls. I am a UN ambassador
Remember the thing I sent you? "Often complex problems are best solved by thinking like an animal." Hump away!
OK BUT WHO THE FUCK FORGTS A LIVE CHICKEN IN MY HOUSE
Doing a small happy dance cause my cocaine successfully went through airport security
If I'm going to keep blacking out this much I need to start taking more pictures.
That's crazy. Wow that lady must be fucked up
Yeah I hope she's okay.
I'm still going to fuck her husband but I do hope she's okay.
I JUST NEEDED TO TELL YOU I JUST FUCKED TWO BOYS IN THE SPAN OF LIKE THREE HOURS AND ONE OF THEM WAS MY SISTERS PROM DATE FROM HIGH SCHOOL IM LOWKEY BOTH PROUD AND ASHAMED
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