why are there goldfish crackers all over my bed?
you decided you wanted to name them & keep them as pets.
you want my honest opinion? I'm sure refering to her vagina as the "bat cave" was your first mistake.
I sharted in my sleep... I didnt even think that was possible.
She came home wasted 'not wantin to talk about it' so for revenge I woke her up with a dutch oven and she puked all over me and the bed. I can't win.
Dude I told you 22 year olds shouldn't get married
Nothing on google about my condom issue. However, if you get a chance google: condom with teeth.
is it sad that I can recall my outfits by who took them off?
i'm not accepting baked goods from anyone for awhile. especially after the stalker pie.
Yeah. I realized I have a weakness for drugs and I need to move somewhere where I don't know how to find them.
The venue for the new years party is close to the hospital for obvious reasons.
Ps you missed quite a show. I was for some reason whipping my hair back and forth and head butted the tip jar. It shattered and now I have a circular bruise on my forehead. All the bartenders hit the floor to get all the quarters.
Fuck edible panties there is a dress made out of bacon
barely 48 hours and I've done the dirty on both of my roommates beds before they've even slept in them
We had to go. She called the bartender a thundercunt.
He has a bathrroom scale in his room with an alarm attached to it so anything over 150 sets it off and in his drinking stupper he can make a run for it.
I'm totally picking out my shrooming outfit and blankets right now
Randomize
