Mom and Dad are dead. Trust fund
i fell asleep on him beating off on webcam last night, i'm such a great boyfriend.
no... you woke up naked next to the toilet because you said your outfit was too cute to throw up in
I gave him a handjob while watching the presidential address. Needless to say, it was weird.
i threw up on the blunt... he was pissed.
Ive been sitting around naked watching magic on youtube.
He told me I couldn't drink an unopened bottle of water he had in his room because that was his emergency bong water
Probably shouldn't have worn my jeans covered in blood from last night to class.
How is it I was the last to know everyone calls me tig ole bitties? Did y'all have a meeting about this that I wasn't invited to?
you're by far the better bro. your dick is more impressively sized, anyway
I hate that you know that from experience
The last mom I slept with was the worst lay ever. Imagine fucking a hairy wet pillow for 60 minutes. Good luck with your milf. I was joking about the Susan Boyle comment btw.
I think I just sold a snake to a stoned teenager.
he was definitely tindering while i gave him head
I was a plus one at an intervention for a person I didn't know.
Idk, but the girl in his story had really nice eyebrows and was singing The Climb. How about you CLIMB the fuck away from my man
FORGET THE EYEBROWS
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