Im starting to think including a smiley face in texts may or may not be a code for 'lets have sex'
Im going to research this theory. . .
honey bunches of taint.
My cousin just asked what abortion is. Happy Holidays.
The theme is smores and alcohol. Dress appropriately.
If you can't find your cat in the morning it's cause i put him in the laundry basket and then put the laundry basket in the shower.
I have bruises on my ass from her spurs. God bless Texas.
Important info for allergy season. An orgasm will unblock stuffy sinuses.
like teasing for 28 minutes, then the very last 2 minutes is where is ALL goes down. I'm talking, rings off, stable sitting position, hand job madness.
I just showered sitting down with a sippy cup of water in there with me. It took 40 minutes. That hungover.
I am sending my doctor an XXXMas card thanking him for my tits!
Does buying my brother condoms for Christmas say "keep having sex with her, I like her" or "dear god, do not get this girl pregnant"?
It's two in the afternoon, I'm on my third glass of wine and I'm watching Lambchop on youtube. How do you think I feel right now?
He must be a special kind of stupid to cheat on a women who works at a funeral home. Does he not understand you can get rid of dead bodies easier than most Americans?
I am naked and annoyed.
The 666th photo in my phone is of him and if that's not a sign that he's secretly the Antichrist, idk what is. Also, bring more rum.
Randomize
