I drank like a thousand beers last night and my poo is solid, not gross like usual. I think this means I've grown up.
Is it a bad sign when i blow my nose && can smell vodka?
I just woke up at my desk with "To Whommmmmmmmm" typed on a letter. I have no memory of waking up, getting dressed or driving in.
When I woke up I had three missed calls from the name 'dream krystals'.... If I remember correctly she was the lady at the drive thru at Krystals and her name was Dream.. She wanted to come to the strip club with us... Do you remember?
At least you got some premium homework time. Still drinking vodka from a coffee cup?
I switched to water. When the numbers get blurry you are no longer being productive.
I am convinced that after two dates and a few adult sleepovers that he still doesn't know my name.
It was disgusting, and I would've rather licked the condensation off the windows instead, but I figured that's wasn't very ladylike
Serious question: Should I volunteer to get tazered? My instincts say no but my wild side says yes.
2 men making out for 2 seconds to trick a cop so they don't get arrested for being pulled over rolling a blunt is not gay.
Apparently getting drunk at a philanthropy event and tweeting about it is "frowned up"
my cockatiel has aquired a taste for beer. I should not be allowed to own exotic pets.
She was blowing me like a porn star and all I could think was "you just told me your grandfather is dying in hospice right now"
His ex told me that she wanted me to "take care of" him but from the way she said it I couldn't tell if she wants me to look after him or murder him.
There's wine in the fridge here. You could leave school and we could get day drunk.
That's my favorite drunk.
Either im seeing the northern lightgs, someone is having a rave, or im on acid.. Im most likely on acid
Randomize
