I admire a woman who can maintain dignity while puking after too much whiskey
Amandyke just told me shes gonna make my tongue her cum rag. i'm borderline terrified
do you believe in love at first sight?
awwwwww =)
yea.. so can i have your sisters number? thanks!
I don't smoke a lot but now and then I do. Weed and I are like still standing naked in a bathroom together deciding if we should blow one another or bolt for the exit. An awkward relationship.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
my life trainwreck boards at 9:30
He came in both my eyes, then refused to give me a towel unless I found him by playing Marco Polo
I dont know. Theres no way you can be ready for the sex hurricane that will consume you.
theres chocolate ground into my couch, nerds candy all over the floor and cocaine on every surface. great memorial day weekend and yours?
I've reached the point in my life where I desire cats more than men
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Piñatas plus fireworks don't mix well
Ran out of eye drops right after putting them in one eye. Half baked at work.
I should not be allowed to reproduce. The world doesn't need my sarcastic asshole demon spawn in child form
He showed up to my apt at 6am wearing a suit and holding a bag of coke....how could I not let him in?
Go have a frustration cry and get over it
You're a FUCKING ASSHOLE. Love mom
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