i am so fucked up that i think i'm playing snood in my head.
well..are you winning?
I just ate a cockroach and I want to be a fire truck.
last night i found where hot topic managers go to die after they get fired.
I just had someone call me out on a walk of shame via megaphone
like literally i think i'm sweating out semen right now
Dude I still wanna know who I had sex with on new years eve
When I was with my girlfriend I was averaging 1 random hookup a week. In the 2 months I've been single I haven't got any. I think I need her back.
There's two big trays of water in our freezer. I just hope they freeze by Saturday. for the ice luge.
its Wednesday...
they're reeeeeally big trays
Lesson of the night- sweaty dick can get stuck to ice, and require medical attention.
This summer isn't about fun. We have to train our livers to survive the next four years.
I woke up tied to my bed while she was in the corner staring at me while eating cereal. Interesting night!
Do I like my job? I just bought 1/2 oz of pot from my supervisor at work. At a discount. And he said, "pay me whenever."
I just need to get a little drunker before I realize I'm not straight
Is this making any sense, because I’m puking and trying to be Philosophical right now
i just realized i have only had sex on couches so far this year. i can't decide if that's impressive or trashy
Randomize
