The pirates hijacked 3 more ships today!!
we need a boat to join in
Obama is on top of it we'd get killed within mins, but we'd live in legend foreva
Dude.. I don’t care how hairy she is, you already left me at the bar, and now I have to find another fucking way home... NOW BE A MAN ABOUT IT!
I made out with the bride. You tell me how my night was
You were mumbling a lot and offered me 20 dollars to leave you alone
i'm not the one sitting naked in my room playing with my boobs and a cat.
oh dont worry, my liver will give out way before i get skin cancer
You asked her to play "the coma game" with you while hooking up, and then passed out in her bed. She couldn't wake you up so she slept on the floor.
Looks like I won that one
Apparently I got mad at you for "Not drinking with me till we thought we were seahorses" and smashed my face on your door. Then I put my feet in the oven and started crying because I was drinking alcohol from a pot. My life is spinning out of control.
I think the solution to your phobia is an open relationship with your dildo. about the same responsibility as a pet rock
I found three vicadin and a pint of fireball with the note. In case of emergency drink me under their sink.
You don't even know. The entire marching band thinks I'm an alcoholic.
How many fucks given?
0.12846
Hold on gotta plunge the sink
Is that a euphemism for sex? Either way, have a good time
First she snuck beer into the movies and then proceded to give me a handjob in the dark theatre. I think I'm in love
I just called my kid butt plug. Does that make me a bad mommy??
This may be the most diplomatic thing you've ever said
Randomize
