my sister and i are watching a movie and pregaming together. and by pregaming i mean shes not drinking since she 14 and im drinking alone.
i just checked to make sure valentines day this year was on a weekend assuming ill want to be drunk all day
hearing about your life makes me feel so good about mine
your friend did not want a bj. we need to leave. this is very awkward.
Still trying to wash and scratch the glitter off of my dick. That stripper should be banned.
the campus cop used the word depravity in our citation.
I HOPE YOU ENJOY THIS VDIEPO BECAUSE I AMS ENDIONG A LOKT OF EFFORT RECORIDNG IT
I ONLY PARTIALLY KNOW WHAT YOU SAID. BUT I THINK I WILL LIKE IT.
I effort
Dude. You gotta go home. I think I left the snake hanging on the chandelier.
it was good, but also weird. like, i came four times and then cried weird.
He said the pain stops when I get my shit together and stop being a drugged out alcoholic mess. Could have just said no.
I just found a contact in my phone named "Sam 'it Won't Fit' Wilson". No clue when or where it came from....
my throat is bruised, my back is scarred, my vagina feels like it's going to fall off.. you're like godzilla. you destroy everything.
Wow just discovered I can communicate my favorite sex positions using only emojis god bless this age of technology
I can't adult today.
Take a nap and try again
I have to buy a couch. There's nothing more adult than buying a couch on a Tuesday.
And if you haven't kicked a pigeon you haven't started your morning right
I'M GOING TO DIE ALONE WITHOUT ANYONE PRETENDING TO BE A MARRIED COUPLE WHILE DRUNK AT A MALL WITH ME
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